


Because of You

by Sonny



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Romance, Song fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-01-05
Updated: 2005-01-05
Packaged: 2017-10-13 14:21:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 23,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/138323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sonny/pseuds/Sonny
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A year following Season Four/Possible Season Five ending? - It's the day before Christmas Eve... out shopping with Justin, Brian is unwillingly dragged into store after store. At their final destination, a music store... finding Brian's Christmas cheer to be quiet the downer... Justin leaves Brian outside. He catches sight of Michael and Jenny Rebecca across the street... shopping themselves. Brian itches to intervene, but refuses to succumb to the silly urges, especially when he discovers Michael's not alone. What will Brian do to show his true feelings in time to bring in the New Year?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Just like with Brian... I can't get Kelly Clarkson's song outta my noggin'. She sings it beautifully... and my *muse* knew it couldn't be left without writing a story to go with it.

  
"Ho, Ho, Ho... Merry Christmas!" The usual chanting was followed by the clanging of a hand-held bell.

The jolly Saint Nick warble of some random Salvation Army Santa reject echoed down the streets of Liberty Avenue. Probably didn't help that he was flanked by two Drag Queens in sparkly elf suits.

Mrs. Clause would be flabbergasted to learn that her husband swung both ways or that he was possibly pitching for the same team.

Brian snickered at the sight, and the thought, as he leaned on the old brick structure, savoring his cigarette. He waited for Justin to exit the store he had spent forty-five minutes in. His hazel eyes squinting on a long drag. His head sprouted up in shock, thinking he saw a familiar raven-haired man slip inside a store across the street.

The vision was gone, swept away by other Christmas shoppers.

He shook his head in quiet admonishing. The holidays always brought Michael forefront on his mind. Not for any other reason but that there were years where they spent them together. Then there were those he had to spend away, returning on occasion during collegic life. Those were the hardest. The moments when he could literally watch Michael distancing himself and his heart slowly breaking.

Tucking his hands in his wool coat pockets, Brian threw his cigarette down and stomped out the fire. Christ! It had been too long since he'd seen those chocolate eyes gazing up at him so adoringly. Now they were given to other people, then just him. Ben... his husband... and Jenny Rebecca, his daughter. Every so often Michael glared them at Hunter, but he knew they adored the young teen just as much as they berated.

Brian let out a smirk, wondering if Hunter reminded Michael anything of him at that age. Would be interesting to ask and find out the answer.

Brian let out a huff of breath, watching it cloud in front of him and looked down at his shoe tips. Good God! He felt so unbelievably tired. Not truly exhausted, simply drained of any energy whatsoever. He couldn't tell Justin he wanted to go back to the loft and just crash. He had promised this time together, before Justin actually left for his job in L.A.

The jangle of door bells sounded as Justin finally exited the store he spent too much time, and money, in. He sidled up to Brian, seeking the unusual warmth from the tall, lean body. He buried his face in the hulking shoulder. "Miss me?"

Brian sighed, not from annoyance, but from wishing he could hear a different voice asking him. One that used to breathe warmth into his ear, slipping up his chilled cheek. He'd been recognizing his own mistake the past year or so. Pining for things he could not have never made Brian happy, too much guilt to weigh him down.

Michael and Justin were of the same height, unmistakable. That's where their similarities ended... and Brian had done it on purpose. Fall for someone totally opposite of Michael, in every way... except for body shape. Every time he closed his eyes he could slip into any fantasy that Justin was someone else when he craved Michael. Or know exactly who he was fucking when he felt anger toward what kept he and Michael apart. What the young man didn't know wouldn't hurt him. Brian was suffering enough on his own.

"Come on." Justin tucked his arm through Brian's elbow, tugging him down the street. "One more store."

"How many fuckin' family members do you think you have, Sunshine?" Brian bit out in rudeness, knowing Justin would blow him off.

Justin paused, ready to bark a disagreement at Brian, but realized... `Tis The Season To Be Jolly. "I saved HIM until last."

"Oh, who? Do I know him?" Brian winked at Justin, his eyes scanning for any face that could save him from more *purse holding*. He was already guarding enough bags to overload Santa's sleigh. He didn't want to assume Justin was being particularly nasty to Michael... his Rage partner. Sometimes the kid could be even more of a Drama Queen  
then him.

"My father." Justin left the conversation at that point.

Brian looked up at the store they were about to enter. "Gettin' matching Father/Son nipple piercings?" He let Justin snicker lightly at his sarcastic wit. "Why do you even bother buying anything for that asshole who wishes you dead? Or back into the coma?"

"Brian, it's the season of forgiveness and starting anew. No matter what he does... he's still my father."

"Yeah? Well... lucky you." Brian held onto his anger and regrets like they were badges of honor. He had done his usual civic duty of teaching Sunshine the harsh lessons of the real world, they always fell flat.

"And, for your information, this doorway leads into two stores. I'm going to the left, into the music store. I think my father already has a tattoo." Justin mumbled as he moved to hold open the glass door. "Do I even need to ask if you're coming in?"

"Nah. Why bring da' funk inside? I'll stay out here like a good little soldier." Brian pretended to stand guard at the foot of the purchases surrounding him. "Don't want my Grinch-i-ness to cramp your style."

"Your moods tend to last throughout the year, Brian. I'm used to this." Justin realized something he never even bothered to find out. "Have you done any of your own shopping?"

"Months ago, but thanks for caring if I'm bored outta my head." Brian knew how gauche it was for many shoppers to wait until the last minute. He hated being part of the huddled masses.

"Oh, really? Even Michael?" Justin simply asked out of curiosity.

"I got him and his spawn covered... so don't worry your pretty little cornflower blond head."

"Okay." Justin shrugged, hanging off the door for some customers filing through. "I'll be back shortly."

Brian rolled his eyes, preparing for another forty-five minute vigil. He left the bags where they sat on the darkened corner of the building. He moved to rest his aching ass and the back of his legs against a parked car. He'd have sat on the hood, but even around holidays people's tempers were just as shady as their gift-giving.

A cool, swift breeze, from across the street, brought over a sprinkle of familiar laughter.

That distinct sound made Brian look up, turning his head to gaze onto the mirrored sidewalk across the ways. He caught sight of two raven heads bowed, clanging together.

Some street vendor was trying to demonstrate a new *toy* on the sidewalk. Almost looked like a sideshow circus entertainer. He was gathering quite a crowd of on-lookers.

Jenny clapped her chubby hands, watching the man mimic being the clumsiest person on the planet. She giggled and rocked her body in mirth.

Michael's enjoyment was from glancing at his daughter's reaction. His eyes lit up, his proud full smile overtook his childlike features.

Brian ached, literally, from missing a moment like that. Not only with Jenny, but being able to soak up Michael's naturalness at being a tentative father. He almost took a step forward to cross between the two parked cars. Then he simply stood, staring at the picture of bliss made by father and daughter. Though his heart filled with sorrow, Brian couldn't help the joy that melted deep inside.

Michael... everything Brian was... is... sprung forth from this man. He was the only part of his tragic past that he wanted to hold onto, never forgetting. All that Brian tried and would ever be always came back to Michael.

There was no denying the fact. No fathomable excuse to walk away from what he was feeling.

Brian decided to call out, once. "MIKEY!"

Loud enough to startle Michael into knowing someone he knew was nearby.

Jenny continued to be amused by the man and toy. She loved all the colorful lights of Liberty Avenue on Christmas. Her first REAL Christmas memories.

As Michael held Jenny closer, turning his head to glance about the crowds of heads, the smile of anticipation broadened his lips. Made his eyes alight, even more, with a serious, intense glow. He mouthed the name on his mouth, "Brian?". He had known who it was all along, felt the tingles crinkling down his neck.

Brian felt his breath catch, bearing witness to the drastic change in Michael's demeanor. He appeared like a young boy excited by the vision of Santa Claus, ants in his pants and all. Had simply knowing HE, Brian Kinney, was nearby, put that much pleasure on Michael's face? He was about to yell for a second time, so Michael could pinpoint this exact location... until he caught sight of two more figures racing toward Michael.

Hunter, zipping through pedestrians and Ben trying to keep up.

Hunter snuck up behind an unsuspecting Michael, spooking him. He tickled Michael from the back. He took Jenny from her father's arms, leaving Michael for Ben to grab a hold of.

Ben towered over Michael, wrapping his arms about his husband's chilled frame. He pressed three or five kisses all over Michael's rosy cheeks.

Brian lost count when he looked down and backed away.

Michael's easy-going smile slipped away piece by piece. His hopefulness at seeing Brian's face disappearing as he spent it in the warm embrace of his newborn family.

Brian slunk further into the shadows of the shared storefront. He didn't feel right disturbing the family moment. He puffed out a short breath, reaching down to pick up the bags Justin had left him with. He felt it was getting too cold, too uncomfortable outside.

Michael could feel his own heart being ripped out, as if he was channeling Brian in him, like he always seemed to be able to do when Brian was close by.

Brian never witnessed Michael's eyes zero on his retreating back as he entered the music store. Brian wasn't paying attention, nearly bumping into a couple trying to decide what to buy their in-laws. He quickly apologized, which got him some cool stares and comments. He made his own snide suggestions. They gave Brian a *finger* filled with plenty of holiday cheer.

Michael remained under Ben's safe arm, growing warmer by the minute. He knew, in a few seconds, Justin might interrupt their connection across the street. He wanted to wave, but Brian stopped him, making him aware he'd like this chance meeting to stay anonymous.

Michael nodded his head. He came around Ben's back to switch sides. He was now on the left. He secretly held up a thumb-meter, wanting Brian to gauge how his shopping spree was progressing. He could tell how his best friend was fairing, but wanted to see how Brian would explain the moment.

Michael was expecting a Thumbs-Up/Thumbs-Down sign. Instead he got a Standing-Around-With-My-Thumb-Up-My-Ass sign. He tried to hide his snickering behind the thick blue mittens on his hands.

Ben thought he was reacting to something the street salesman was doing.

Brian walked up to the store's front window, finding an area he could write on. He fogged up the glass. He wrote, _**"U?"**_

Michael did a *so-so* move with his mitten, then started shivering, showing Brian he was freezing his ass off. He had already finished his own shopping months before, too.

Ben held him tighter, rubbing his hand down Michael's biceps.

Brian never noticed the little boy sitting below him doing the same thing on the window. Only he wrote some extra bits before his letter *U*.

Michael started laughing outright, his head turned away. He brought it back to make everyone think he was finding the humor of the street vendor hilarious.

Ben couldn't help seeing how much Jenny enjoyed the toy, herself. So he and Hunter both went up to stand in line to purchase one for her.

Michael did a tiny wave goodbye, willing to stand back for a few minutes. He blew into the cup of his two hands. He noticed another little finger and fogged area of glass beginning to be written on. He waited patiently for what both Brian and the child would scribe.

Brian wiped away what he had been about to write then heated up the glass again for a clean slate.

The boy stood up to his small height, yanking on Brian's jacket hem. He pointed to his child-like drawing, while hearing his parent's call out for him. He ran away as if monkeys were chasing him.

Brian looked out at Michael, shrugging his shoulders, making a face like saying, _**"Look at this kid. Some genius!"**_

Michael read what the kid wrote, then found he could barely breathe.

Brian saw Michael's face. He stepped back to ponder the backward writing.

It was pretty clear and simple.

 ****I (*heart*) U****

The standard that everyone always graffiti-ed when they didn't know what else to say.

Brian feigned shock, like the kid had shown *love* for HIM.

Michael could only nod slowly. Was this HIS moment? He better take it...

Ben was paying for the toy, transferring Jenny from Hunter's arms.

Michael patted his mitten-ed hand on his chest, saying LOUDLY and quite PROUDLY, _**"ME. ME. ME."**_

Brian shook his head, his thumb gesturing to the kid behind him. _**"But HE wrote it!"**_ The motion said.

Michael chuckled until tears came to his eyes. _ **"**_ **I** _ **do!"**_ He put his hand out to say. _**"What are you gonna do about it, Kinney?! Pick a fuckin' fight with me in the middle of the street?"**_

Brian moved his head to show Michael that his *family* was approaching. Better get back to reality. He could hear Justin speaking in the background, looking for a specific CD collection.

Michael put up a hand to make Brian wait.

Brian shook his head, _**"No"**_ , then waved his hand to show him to, _**"Go!"**_ , maybe even to be *happy*. He faked a smile on his face.

Michael turned back to face Hunter and Ben. His arms immediately begged to hold his daughter.

Jenny had her toy. She was already trying to break into the bag and it's box. Not truly into frivolous wrappings and nonsense. Get to the fun stuff. Her light brown eyes focused across the street as she lay over her father's shoulder.

To onlookers and Ben... it sounded like Jenny was saying, _ **"Bye, Bye"**_ to the street vendor. She was actually saying "Brian"... in her barely one-year-old vocabulary. She waved frantically for him to respond.

Brian felt his laughter catch at her cuteness, wishing he could kiss that chubby cheek he loved so much. He then decided to write something for Jenny on the window. Maybe she could read it... or maybe not. Maybe Michael could dictate it for her, later.

 _  
**"I LUV U..."**   
_

 

Brian left the dots there so he could put in an extra...

 

 _  
**"... and U 2..."**   
_

 

For Michael...

Justin was quickly coming up behind him. "If you're gonna stand there and stalk pedestrians... at least look like you're doing something." He slapped a pair of earphones on Brian's head. They were connected to a CD Listening Station. He randomly pressed the arrow button, letting Brian listen to sappy crap while he was still shopping.

Brian's hand wiped away what he had drawn, but not before Michael had seen what was written.

Jenny clapped her hands, dropping her spur-of-the-moment present. "Uh, oh..."

Michael immediately stopped. Hunter and Ben both went to pick up the bag, knocking their heads together. "Whoa! You guys okay?" He tried not to laugh his ass off. Jenny had them whipped, wrapped about her pinky. Not that he wasn't guilty, as well, but at least he hadn't played Two out of the Three Stooges for her.

Jenny turned around to look at Ben and Hunter as they laughed and rubbed their sore spots. She had no idea what had happened. She was too caught in seeing Brian in the window. She held out her hand, opening and closing the fingers, to get the object back. And ONLY the object.

Brian sighed. Just his fuckin' luck. At the precipice of admission... and he was pushed off again or tripping on his own feet. This wasn't really the best place to reveal his feelings for Michael. Especially with Justin nosing about.

He let the CD play... until he realized what Justin had set him up with.

It was an array of American Idol artists' CDs. Christmas and Non. Sentimental, peppy and bullshit, all rolled into one. Listen to Clay Aiken, my ass!! He was about to rip the earphones off his head before he was lobotomized into thinking they actually held some street cred in the music biz... when a lyric he was listening to made him snap his head back...

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
 ****Because of You,  
I find it hard to trust not only me,  
but everyone around me,  
Because Of You... I am afraid...****  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

What the hell kind crap was this song? Who the fuck had been watching him for thirty-four years?

Brian glanced at the LCD display.

CD #7, Track #4.

He connected the dots and found out he was listening to Kelly Clarkson's new CD, **BREAKAWAY**. SHIT!! He wanted to pound his head against the wall. Stuck in perpetual music cheesiness, Michael would influence him into giving even the worst music a hard listen.

 _  
**"Don't hate the music, Brian. Listen to the lyrics... along with the melody. It might strike a chord in you. Find a place inside of you that you never knew existed. It's not the music's fault the artist sucks."**   
_

Christ! Brian found he actually liked this song. He sighed, rubbing at his aching forehead.

Another headache coming on? So soon? Shit!

Great! Did liking this one song make him one step closer to a lesbian? He thought the cover made the girl look pretty, somewhat attractive in a I-just-woke-up-from-ten-hours-of-sleep kind of way. The sparkly fake nose ring was cute, but just like Cindy Crawford's mole it looked like it could be flicked off. Her voice was thick, raspy and melodious. Almost as lovely as she looked.

Damn! He was suckered. He listened to the track over and over, finding himself mesmerized for the three minutes and thirty-four seconds that it played. He wished Michael was here so he could share in the experience, as well. He knew EXACTLY the person who came to mind as he heard the words.

Jack Kinney... Rat Bastard!

Brian took off the headphones before his ears bled or lightning struck him. He picked out the CD and almost placed it in his pocket to steal. The shame of actually purchasing the thing would end his hardcore reputation for sure.

He glanced around where he could find Justin. Nearly at the register. Cool. Good cover.

Brian wandered over. Slipping an arm about Sunshine's shoulders and dipping him into a suspicious kiss of nothing more then a diversion for his plan.

It worked. Justin's stack of CDs didn't weigh anything more with the added plastic case.

Brian successfully hid the CD in the pile, looking over Justin's other purchases, making sure to poke fun at will. "Hey... if I hurt your feelings by laughing... this... is on me." He put the pile down on the counter, whipping out his wallet.

"Brian, no. Come on. I have money." Justin weakly pulled at Brian's arm, knowing what a lost cause disagreeing with him about spending money was.

"Yeah. Credit cards that ***I*** pay for. Somehow I don't think this means no never mind." Brian put the card on top of the stack, hoping to hide the American Idol winner's CD from Justin's eyes. "Why don't you go watch your bags for a change." He looped the straps over Justin's arms and shuffled him off in another direction with a raunchy spank.

The sales clerk gave Brian an eyebrow lift. "Do you swing?"

"From trees? Yeah... when my ancestors ruled the Earth."

As the clerk rang him up, Brian kept getting the *once-over* of interest. "That kid looks old enough to diaper. Sure he... does IT for you?"

"Why? Are you available to babysit?" Brian tilted his head to give the clerk the same *once-over*, but frowned. "He's free afternoons and weekends."

The clerk knew when someone wasn't playing along with him. "I'm just curious. Jeez-us." He rang up the sale in complete silence.

Brian thanked God for small favors. This was a bag he'd be happy to carry. He swiped out his CD, pocketing his card. He wandered back to find Justin.

"Do you mind dropping me off at my Mom's?" Justin mumbled as if in afterthought.

Brian paused, wishing he could French kiss God, but Joanie had already warned the gentle giant above about her sinful-i-cious son. He had already been trying to formulate a way to kick Justin out tonight. "Hey... I'm not that grouchy, am I?"

"Nah... it's just... I know she has boxes and wrapping paper. Plus, she invited me over for dinner." Justin tried to cover up the cold brush-off his mother had given to Brian.

"Well, that was awful nice of her." Brian wasn't hurt in the least. One less mouth to feed tonight. He could crash in peace and listen to his sentimental music in quiet without being embarrassed. "Are you done purging your year of guilt now?"

"I think so." Justin looked down at his watch. Five-thirty in the early evening, the day before Christmas Eve? "I think I've set a new record."

"Should we call Guinness? Or have a round of some?"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The slam of a distant door caused Michael to shake himself awake. He rolled around for a bit, stretching and moaning out his aching bones and tired muscles. He kicked back with his foot and hit something harder then human skin and skeleton. "Fuck!"

That's when the door began to scratch...

No wait... that's when someone began scratching at the door.

Michael went to simply slip out of bed, removing the blanket covering his body... and immediately fell flat on his face. He nearly cracked his skull on some furniture. He knew he must have hit hard enough to hurt because the short table moved when he went down. He checked for blood loss and almost poked himself in the eye. That would teach him to tie on some good, potent egg nog before beddie-bye.

Leaving Hunter in charge of the recipe hadn't been a swell move, either. As if on cue, Michael heard the loud nasal snore from Hunter's bedroom.

Good Gawd!! Wake the Dead why don't you!!

Michael tried to stand up, but his legs were numb. What the HELL concoction had Hunter devised?

The scratching continued... and soft tiny mews came through the wood paneling.

What the fuck? Caroling Kittens at this hour?

"Coming!" Michael called out, then realized his head began to ring and throb. He could literally hear his heart beating. He shook his head which was a mistake because he unbalanced himself. Using his elbows as feet, Michael dragged himself across the floor. Every so often he let his heated face rest on the cool floor. "I hear ya'. I'll be there." He groaned almost to the door, laying face down in front of the  
kitchen. "Soon... I hope."

Now... there was a solid knock. "Michael? Are you...?" He tried the door knob, but it was barred. The chain set.

"Ssshhhhhhh..." Michael drooled on the floor. "Ben'z schtill aschleep..."

Brian peeked through the door slat. "Michael... I hear your voice... I know you're shorter then me... but this is ridiculous."

"Floo." Michael muttered out as he kept crawling, making his way closer to the door.

"What floor? What the fuck happened?"

"I'm on da' floo... an'... Oh, God..." Michael rolled over onto his back, his legs trying to cooperate. "I thin' I'm drun-nk..." His belly wasn't feeling right.

Brian tried to slide his hand between the door and chain. He nearly had the thing off, but it wasn't working from the angle he came at it.

"Hole yur damm horsches!" Michael reached the door, in time for Brian to knock him in the head. "Ow! Close it!" He used his forearm to cover his head from further damage.

"Mikey? Wha-? Was that your head?"

"Noh a pro'lem. Ma sayz I wuz alwayz hard-heed'ed." Michael laughed silly at his own joke. He shut the door on Brian's face. "Sorree, Bri-han!" He found enough strength to slip along the door, reach up and remove the latch. "BINGO!"

Brian shoved hard, from the other side, to slide Michael across the floor. "Mikey!" He knew his drunk friend would be a dead weight on the door. Then he might never get in if Michael fell asleep. He wanted entrance as fast as possible. He bent near Michael's side, smacking his pale, flushed cheeks. "Hey, kiddo... wake up. Come on! I'll get you into the shower."

"I already showered. I don't stink that badly!" Michael pouted, wanting to curl into his body and go back to sleep. He swatted at Brian's hand.

Brian grabbed for Michael's wrists, willing to let him be independent about standing on his own. All it seemed to do was drag Michael around on the floor by his arms. "Michael, wake up!"

"Ha-Ha! So the foot being on the other shoe isn't so funny, is it, Kinney?!"

Brian crinkled his brow. He supposed he meant all those days Michael held his head over the toilet bowl. And besides... feet being ON shoes sounded painful. Nothing was more hilarious then listening to a drunk try to make sense of his own way with vocabulary. He happened to look over at the couch and saw the pillow and blanket set-up. "Where's Ben, Mikey?"

"I don' knoooowww..." Michael mumbled out as if he found Brian's question totally ridiculous.

"Is he even here?" Brian clearly recalled Michael saying Ben was asleep, but Michael sure didn't.

"He leff before we past `roun' the neg ogg."

"What egg nog?" Brian looked at the small dining table. No bowl present. He glanced behind him to the kitchen. A-ha! The culprit was sitting next to the sink, ready to be dumped and cleaned. He let Michael's hands go as he paced toward the counter. He didn't have to get too close to smell the stench of liquor... and plenty of it.

It had a sweet tang of nutmeg to the scent. Joanie would have been jealous to have missed out.

Brian slid out of his leather jacket, throwing it over a chair's back. He rolled up his sleeves to the crevice of his elbows. "Mikey?" He stood above Michael, a foot planted on either side of the prone body. "Don't make me come down there and tickle you."

"Tickle me... I'll up chuck on you." Michael could feel his mouth go dry.

"Exactly why I don't want to touch or move you at the moment."

Michael was laying on his side, legs drawn up as if he were in bed under warm covers. "Well, then... what do you want to do with me?"

Brian smirked, an eyebrow quirked in pleasure. "Don't give me such free range, Michael. Be specific or I'll embarrass you."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why... are you here? Why... did you bother to come over?" Michael scrunched his brow in wonder. He could barely open his eyes his head hurt so much. "We'll see each other tomorrow mornin'... bright and shiny early..."

Brian walked away. He picked up a pillow from the couch and returned to tuck Michael's head under the plushness. "Michael?"

"Ugh... wha-?"

"Shut up."

"Why I-?"

"At least wait until the buzz wears off." Brian bent down to his knees, straddling Michael. He forced him to lay flat on his back.

"So?" Michael re-asked his question in one word with his eyes still closed.

Brian cleared his throat. "I wanted to say something about the other day."

"On the street?"

"Yeah, I, uh..." Brian couldn't even look at Michael. He was nervous, for some godforsaken reason.

Those deep brown eyes opened up slowly, hopeful to what was going to come out of the mouth above him. "I saw, Brian."

"Saw what?" Brian licked his dry lips. He felt Michael's hands reach out to grab his hips for balance.

"Aliens... landing in Ma's backyard... Fuck! What do you think I saw?"

"It was..."

"I know." Michael pushed Brian off him, somehow finding the muscles in his legs again. "A moment of weakness. You didn't mean it to come out like that. Christ!" He wiped at his eyes. The lids actually ached. "That kid had more balls then you."

Brian sat on the floor, drawing his legs to his chest. His arms around his knees. "That CHILD has no idea what power that word wields. He says it like people say *God Bless You* when he sneezes. Betcha he loves candy corn just as much as he loves his parents."

"UGH! I think I..."

Brian pulled down his cuffs. "Despite the suck-i-ness at choosing the location... it was sincerely meant."

"What was?" Michael teased, wanting to hear the three words... only once before he croaked or threw up on his dining room floor. Whichever came first.

"Michael, don't make me...?"

"What? Repeat it? Out loud? Don't want to embarrass yourself?"

"NO." Brian slid effortlessly across the floor to come face-to-face with Michael. "Don't make me have to show you?"

Slow by painstakingly slow inch, Brian forced Michael onto his back.

Michael's head hit the pillow, his palms came out to push against Brian's heaving chest. "Show me what... exactly?" He was going to try every way imaginable to make Brian say the words. The hands that had begun to push Brian away, slithered up to cup his jaw-line and filter through the shorn mahogany locks. Michael dipped his mouth up, teasing Brian. "Please... tell me what you feel... right now?"

Brian was distracted by Michael's tender touch... even as drunk as he was. He held the wrists down on either side of Michael's head on the pillow. He slid in between Michael's legs.

The soft flannel pajama bottoms and dark blue rayon-blend slacks moved as comfortably together as the men dressed in them.

"You smell..." Michael pecked his face in Brian's neck, adoring the way he always radiated a cologne to hit a man's sexual urges. "... heavenly..." He sucked long and hard at Brian's delicate skin. "Where've you been, Brian? A date?"

"Office Christmas party. Michael..." Brian felt odd trying to keep Michael at a distance. He wanted the attention so badly, tingling from the yearning he'd had for Michael's touch and affection. "Mikey..." He was finally able to keep Michael's head down, drawing up, hovering.

"I think..." Michael opened his mouth to say something, but stopped.

"What?" Brian hoped Michael would say something fairly profound. He was always the better at choosing the right words. He removed his hand from one of Michael's wrists to clasp his chin in shaking fingers.

Michael reached up to hang onto Brian's arm. "I think... I'm gonna barf in thirty seconds or less... if you don't get off me."

Brian couldn't help but laugh as he helped Michael to his feet and hobbled with him, under his arm, toward the bathroom.

Michael fell and prayed graciously to the porcelain God...

Brian sighed, scratching at the back of his head as he watched Michael lose the contents of his stomach in the bowl. He wiped a tired hand over his face. God, he'd woken up himself from a sleepless, insomnia-riddled night to come over here. That damn song resonating in his mind.

The CD burned a whole in his jacket pocket. He had planned on leaving it for Michael to listen to, had devised a way for Michael to read something of his explanation for why he wanted him to hear the song. Lord, he felt like a teenager in lust passing *Do You Like me? Check Yes or No* notes between classmates. Letters just weren't his forte... as sappy, dead-on lyrics wasn't his way of spewing words to Michael.

Brian ran the water cold in the sink, pulling off a washcloth from the towel rack. He upturned the glass to fill the emptiness with water. He set everything near the drain, inside the sink, as he opened the medicine cabinet to locate some aspirin. He knew the routine well and hoped he did Michael justice.

He was in the middle of preparing Michael's toothbrush when he heard the toilet lid slam closed, then the toilet flush.

Michael rested his cheek on the carpet-like toilet seat cover. "Brian..."

"Yeah?" Brian hunched to the level where Michael's head was.

"Don't go." Michael sniffled, wiping the toilet paper under his stinging nostrils. What a lovely sight he must make!

Brian tapped Michael on the shoulder. He handed his friend the minty fresh toothbrush, while combing back the sweaty raven curls at his forehead. "I won't. I'm here as long as you need me."

Michael found his jaw ached by simple brushing moves. "Yoo knoo yoo don' hav' ta sayh it. Ah ahrea'ee knoo whah `oo..." He was trying to talk around the bristles.

"One thing at a time, Novotny." Brian held out the glass of water. Then brought out the aspirin bottle to pour out some pills.

Michael swished the water around in his mouth, hating the taste of minty vomit aftermath. Eeech!! He spit the nasty remnants in the glass, giving Brian back the yucky water. "Thanks." He shuddered from the taste in his mouth. He took the aspirin in his own hand. He waited for his second round of water.

"You were supposed to use that water to take the aspirin with."

"But I was using it to spit in. Where else was I to...?" Michael raised an eyebrow in question

"Michael, you have an entire toilet bowl next to your head."

"The lid's closed." Michael almost whined, then gestured to Brian and the sink. "You can always get more water, asshole. Why are you complaining?"

"I'm not. I'm trying to fill awkward silence." Brian stood to refill the glass again with fresh water. He held down the offering to Michael, tenderly clanging the cool glass near Michael's temple.

"Really? With me?" Michael grabbed for his glass as he climbed to sit on the toilet seat lid. He chucked the aspirin, then downed the water as fast as he could. "Ack! Yuck! What an aftertaste!"

Brian closed the medicine cabinet, rinsing out Michael's toothbrush and placing it back in it's normal spot. He washed his hands, just to be extra cleanly. "Are you sure Ben didn't come back?" He shook his hands of excess water, drying them on the hand towel on the rack.

Michael crossed his arms over his chest. His head felt like it was about to roll right of his shoulders. He needed to lean on something. He reached out to latch onto Brian's leather belt, bringing him close. He relaxed against Brian's body. "Stay right there... only for a little bit, so the world stops turning on it axis."

Brian's hand hovered over Michael's head, hesitating from tangling in the silky hair. He didn't know exactly what was going on with Michael... and Ben.

Had they broken-up? Finally? Had Ben left for good?

"Michael... why didn't you tell me?"

"Tell you what?"

This time Brian couldn't NOT pet Michael's hair. He bet it was soothing for Michael's eventual headache. "How long have Ben and you had problems?"

"How do you...?"

"Please, I may be a complete bastard and cold-hearted when it comes to relationships, but I know distance when I see it. The fabricated *family* thing on the street... and the couch looks like you've been hibernating in it for weeks. Why?"

Michael wrapped his arm about Brian's waist, dragging him close. "I hate sleeping in that bed alone. Too many memories." He shook his head against Brian's clothing.

Brian's hand slipped along Michael's nape, rubbing the pliant skin there, gently. "Was it amicable?"

"Us breaking up? Sort of."

"What does that mean?"

"It's his usual spiel of... when is it gonna be just US... and a few other annoyingly repetitive complaints." Michael felt hazy from the alcohol buzz, not sure he'd do Ben's complaints justice.

"Like..." Brian tried to feed Michael the insistence to finish the sentence.

"Like... uh..." Michael turned his face into Brian's belly and continued to speak against the soft clothing.

"Now, now, Mikey... play fair. I didn't hear one word, but I bet I can fill in the blanks." Brian lifted Michael's face to look up at him, fingers under his chin. "Does it have anything to do with your feelings for me? ME... in general, I suppose?"

"HE says I'm addicted." Michael blinked slowly, finding he could almost hear his lashes sweep his cheeks.

"Really? Like a drug?" Brian had never thought of it that way.

"Like a bad habit... more or less." Michael twisted his lips in disgust. "I told him to kiss my ass."

"No, you didn't."

"Were you there?"

"No... but I know you didn't."

"Well, I said something similar."

"What?"

"I told him he was gravely mistaken and if he truly wanted me to confess my feelings for you right here and now he needed to tell me a few truths, as well"

"What? Benji chasing tail again?" Brian had only meant it as a joke, a slight tease. Michael's paleness told him he was dead wrong, but dead right. "Oh... well, fuck me..." He raised his hands in defeat.

Michael kept dipping his head lower and lower, until it was almost in his own lap. "I know so much that I never told him. I know the guy's name, even. It's... degrading to sleep with a man who thinks I'm THAT stupid and can claim he still loves me. I just wish I understood men."

"I think it's the other way around."

"Pardon?" Michael sprung his head back up, peeking at Brian in the bathroom florescent light.  


 **==========tbc...==========  
**

 

[](http://docs.google.com/Doc?docid=0AeKjF_KZqdm0ZGQ2emh3dHpfNTEwZnNzdHFtZzI&hl=en)

 

  
**  
**   


 

 


	2. Chapter 2

"Men aren't sticking around long enough to understand you." Brian subtly separated himself from Michael, holding the small shoulders in his hands. 

"Except you." Michael mumbled.

"Yeah. How about that." Brian smirked, placing hands on his hips. "Why do you suppose that is?"

"You're a fuckin' masochist?"

Brian chuckled as he held out his hand for Michael to take. "Only for you, Mikey... only for you. Come on."

"Where are we going?"

"Disneyland." Brian wrung his lips in distaste at the way Michael could play dumb. "Fuck, Michael... it's almost midnight. You're tired, probably feel a headache coming on. I'm exhausted. I haven't slept for days..."

"You say that as if you're gonna try and pin this one on me."

"Wha-? What the hell are you talking about?"

"I'm a cure for your insomnia. Have been for years."

Brian had no other recourse but to agree. "Guilty." He put up his hand to claim the reason was true.

Michael used his fingers caught in Brian's belt loops to pull himself up. "And holding you seems to be the fix I need for my addiction... if not appease it's cravings to a minimum." He stood on tip-toes to press a kiss to the side of Brian's mouth. He let his hand slide up, then down Brian's chest. He left the bathroom by his own two feet. He was making a beeline for his bedroom.

"I don't know if I like being compared to non-prescription enhancers." Brian followed Michael, unbuttoning his shirt on the way toward the double doors of the bedroom. He paused by his jacket to take out the CD and pocket it in his pants. He had to find the perfect timing to bring this into conversation.

"Look at it this way, Brian..." Michael crisscrossed his hands on this T-shirt hem and lifted the material over his head. "... you're my *drug* of choice." He pushed off all the clothes he'd thrown around, dirty and clean, making them fall onto the other side of the bed. He shook out the sheets and comforter, making them billow over the mattress and fall flat. "See... just like new."

Brian was working on his belt when he suddenly stopped. "He's not all over that bed... is he, Mikey?"

"New sheets. I put them on yesterday, when I was doing laundry. At least he took his dirty loads of clothes with him. Jerk!" Michael muttered as he crawled under the cool softness. He took up the whole width of the bed, laying spread out.

"Michael..." Brian was curious to whether Michael would fall sleep easily or not. He wanted him sober. He knew he'd get him that way if they simply talked. This was his chance. He walked over to the legs sticking out from under the covers. He tenderly tapped the ankles. "Mikey..."

"Yo!" Michael popped his head up, rolling over awkwardly and messing the comforter's crispness. He leaned back on his left elbow, blinking wakefulness at Brian. He pretended to drift off and snore while holding his torso up. He giggled at hearing Brian's soft snicker.

Brian had everything off, save his under shorts, the buttoned shirt and his dazzling smile. He knuckle-crawled his way up Michael's body, giving off the wrong kind of signals for how he wanted this night to pan out. "I just wanted you to know... I don't plan on fucking you... at all."

Michael made some random face, scrunching his nose. "Why would I think that?"

"Well, because..." Brian lay his lower half on top of Michael, letting him feel their attraction was more noticeable... down below.

Michael lay down, sending his fingers up Brian's rib cage, around his back, down the arched spine and into the lower tail bone. "YOU think... just because I let you kiss me, touch me and caress me... more then friend-like... it gives you the right to think I'd be that easy to fuck?"

Michael's hands on Brian's naked ass, under his shorts, made a glaringly obvious point non-existent. "No... of course not..." He felt the tiny shudders run down his thighs. "I only want you to know I won't take advantage of you... in this state."

"Even if I asked?"

"But you won't."

"And why not?"

"`Cause I haven't said the magic words."

Michael expertly flipped them, quite surprised when he heard Brian semi-giggle at being thrown down on a mattress by his best friend. "Is there something I can do to make you say them?" He straddled Brian's hips. His hands explored the length of Brian's body, only going so far to the edge of the elastic band. He bit and munched at Brian's collar, pushing his way up the long neck and under the strong jaw bone.

Brian closed his eyes, holding onto Michael's biceps. "I don't know if I ever can, Mikey. If I could ever fulfill your one wish."

Michael stopped, pulled Brian back onto the bed, instead of hanging over the mattress side. "What do you mean?"

How could Brian say something that harsh? And how could he allow Brian to even let it pass his lips without telling him how much it hurt?

"NO! Don't!" Brian could feel Michael drawing away, sinking into himself. Prepared to hideaway from his feelings. "Look at me. Listen to me."

Michael shut his eyes. "I can't."

"Why not?"

"Hurts too much to look at you and have my one fear realized." Michael slunk down Brian's body, his head resting on the muscular abdomen.

"Which is?"

"That you don't. You might have... once upon a dream, but now... you don't and never will." Michael made a noise like a sob under his breath. He wished he could just die... right now. That would be a really swell way to end his week. "Taking Ben's ultimatum and your rejection... I don't know if I could stand anymore."

"I asked you to listen to me, Michael."

"I did. I am. You said..."

"I know what I said, but you're not listening..."

"I'm trying Brian, but I don't know what you want me to hear."

"How about this way?" Brian moved from under Michael's embrace, shuffling to his feet and picking up his pants. He took out the CD, opening the case. He threw the pants in the distance with Michael's own dirty laundry.

"You gonna strip for me?" Michael let out a sad smile.

"Maybe one day... _ **(**_ _for our anniversary_ _ **)**_..." Brian muttered the last statement as his back was turned.

Michael might still have a raging headache and hard-on, but he sure hadn't gone deaf. He wiped a hand over his mouth. What was Brian trying to do?

The little CD boombox stood on Michael's dresser. Brian turned the power on, opening the lid to the CD player. Setting the disc inside he closed the lid, pressing the arrow button for Play. "I want you to listen to this song. Tell me what you think."

Michael was mesmerized by Brian's actions. The quiet nervousness that he couldn't hide. What was wrong with this picture? Brian had come over to his apartment to play him a CD? "Can I look at the lyrics?"

"Listen to the song first, Mikey." Brian took off his shirt, sitting down on the edge of the bed. He was a little ashamed to have resorted to this teenage level of showing emotions, but GodDamn if it didn't fit him. Michael would have to suffer, too... and learn about his best friend. He tucked the lyric book under his right thigh.

Michael did as he was asked when the piano started and the vocal began. He scooted up to sit beside Brian. To situate himself near the slumped body. "It's pretty."

"Shut up, Michael."

"It's not... I'm just saying..."

The way the singer sang, what she was saying... made Michael take pause and actually adhere to Brian's advice. He sidled up closer to Brian's body. He set his chin on Brian's bare shoulder.

As the song continued, Brian found Michael sought to touch his skin more and more, nearly curling about his frame. Michael kept his head resting on his shoulder. Both of them lost in the music.

Michael's eyes were misty when the song ended. "Play it again, Brian." He swiped under one eye, hoping to catch the one lone tear.

"Am I crazy... or does that not sound like me?"

Michael shut his eyes in agony, shaking his head. "You thought of Jack, didn't you?" He whispered close to Brian's ear.

Brian snuffed out a dry sob, averting his head from Michael. "At first... I thought for sure it was talking about my asshole father, but then I actually listened to it."

"And?"

"It's us."

Michael shot his head up, glaring at the side of Brian's face he allowed visible. "What do you mean? Explain, please."

"Gladly. I need to get this fuckin' train wreck outta my head. The fact this CD is even on my credit card sends chills down my spine."

Michael frowned, but then smiled when Brian displayed the CD cover. "Ahhh... Kelly Clarkson. Thought I recognized the voice. She's probably the only legit one of the bunch. Although, I keep hearing interesting things about Diana DeGarmo's CD."

Brian covered his face with his hand. "Please don't warp my mind with that kind of trivia. I heard this CD by accident."

Michael smirked. "Your secret's safe with me, Brian." He rubbed tenderly at Brian's back. "Please... I'm dying to hear your new take on the song."

Brian cleared his throat, opening up to the page in the CD booklet to find the lyrics. He would recite them as if he was reading a news article, precise and to the point. He hoped he could last throughout the whole thing before he broke down... got too emotional in front of Michael. Then again, it was Michael... maybe he wouldn't mind.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
 ****I will not make the same mistakes that you did.**  
**I will not let myself `cause my heart so much misery.****  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Brian shook his head, knowing he was about to possibly cause Michael some pain, but he was tired of keeping his own hurt locked inside. Michael knew him better then anyone, he'd understand it wasn't truly vengeful. Things simply needed to be said... out loud for once. It had been long enough.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
 ****I will not break the way you did, you fell so hard**  
**I've learned the hard way to never let it get that far.****  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"You and I are total opposites when it comes to our hearts; who we love and who we allow to love us. You give yours so freely, always on your sleeve. While I keep mine close to my chest, only handing it out to those who deserve it." Brian turned to face Michael. "You're one of the few who I deem worthy of it's keeping."

"Brian..." Michael let his hand touch Brian's cheek, his fingers trickling down the stubbled skin. He finally knew this was something major and serious coming from Brian, he better put his ego on hold and open his ears.

Brian kissed the hand that belonged to the fingers, keeping them gripped in his as he brought it down into his lap.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
 ****Because of you... I never stray too far from the sidewalk.****  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Of course I stray, in the sexual sense... but not when it comes to my feelings... you're the only one I've allowed in and to hurt me. That's enough for me."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
 ****Because of you... I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt.****  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Handing you my heart... the pain you've caused me... has made me wary of letting anyone else near."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
 ***Because of you, I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me.*  
*Because of you... I am afraid.***  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Simply put... I can only trust you with my feelings. I want YOU to be the only one who hurts me, because I can control it. I've honed the skill. I know you don't trample my emotions on purpose. You're always thinking about me before yourself sometimes. That can make up for everything you do wrong. You've made me afraid of caring for anyone else in the same way. Hell, I don't trust easy. Trust can bring enormous harm with the wrong person. Hey, I've even lost trust in myself, at times." Brian gave a small smirk, rubbing Michael's bent kneecap. He wanted Michael to know this wasn't a game, nor was this a personal attack.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
 ****I lose my way and it's not too long before you point it out.**  
**I cannot cry because I know that's weakness in your eyes.****  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"You're always there to kick me in my ass when I'm down. I've worked myself into a corner sometimes, showing you what a tough shit I am. I hate being strong when I know one false move will break me in two..."

Michael bit at his thumb, feeling the tears surface. "Like now?"

"Yeah..." Brian softly chuckled, rubbing his hand on the back of his neck. "Pretty much like being here with you... pouring my feelings out... like emotional vomit." He and Michael shared a sidelong glance, since Michael had literally thrown up almost ten minutes ago. Brian shook his head from making a crack on Michael. "I think it's shallow of me to explain myself in a damn song... not to mention lame." He placed a BIG *L* on his forehead which Michael brushed off.

"It's what you feel, Brian. I'm willing to listen... now..." Michael cleared his throat. "I've been waiting for this type of explanation from you... for a long while. I'll take anything at this point"

Brian let a small grin slip out as he looked down at the lyrics again. He might as well keep on going since Michael wasn't laughing at him like he thought he would.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
 ****I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh everyday of my life.**  
**My heart can't possibly break when it wasn't even whole to start with.****  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Jack did this to me. Made my heart less whole. He was the first one to break it, I think... yeah, I'm pretty sure he was." Brian swallowed the lump in his throat. "Like I said... I honed my skills with you, though, while we grew up. And each time you broke it, it cracked just a little more. I know you didn't mean to, like you know I don't mean to with you. If we own up to it happening and we admit what we've done..." He was amazed that Michael continued to hold onto him, not let him go once. He thought for sure he'd be kicked off the bed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
 ****I watched you die.**  
**I heard you cry in the middle of the night in your sleep.****  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Plenty of times we did this together. Not that we had physical deaths, but every slight from another person in a way... killed our innocence and spirit. An emotional death of becoming men. We had to grow up or die trying, right?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
 ****I was so young, you should have known better than to lean on me.**  
**You never thought of anyone else, you just saw your pain.**  
**And now I cry in the middle of the night for the same damn thing.****  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"You saw me as your hero too early, when I was already broken. And doing that isn't necessarily a bad thing. At the time it hurt, but now I see it was your way of coping, as mine was, too. We sort of taught each other how to be the people we are today... then men we'll become... we hope. It's tough to learn we can be just as easily hurt  
being grown men as we were as little boys."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
 ****Because of you... I never stray too far from the sidewalk.**  
**Because of you... I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt.**  
**Because of you... I try my hardest just to forget everything.**  
**Because of you... I don't know how to let anyone else in.**  
**Because of you... I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty.**  
**Because of you... I am afraid...****  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Because of you... Mikey... I can't feel anything for anyone else. If the strong emotions I have for you are what love is. See, I was never taught what love meant. I thought I knew, but... not really. Because of Jack... I can't say the words you want to hear. I'd run scared if I did, because you'd have complete control over me. And I can't do that. You have done something great, though. You've taught me how to slowly come back to life, let people in. It's gonna take me a long time to heal... but I need someone patient, willing to stick it out with me. I don't really know how to do... this..." Brian was the one who let Michael go, letting his hand flutter about the air in the bedroom.

By *THIS* Brian had meant the relationship thing.

The cuddling in bed, the early morning showers together, the silly breakfasts for two... the vacations together and... sharing... a whole helluva lot more then what Brian was willing to do.

"You're doing better then you think, Brian." Michael scooted his butt across the bed, heading backward to the headboard. He pushed off the comforter, situating his body to make room for Brian to slide into. "Well... get in here..." He let out his usual *You're an asshole, but I love you* dorky smile.

"But what about...?" Brian thought surely he'd be sent outside to sulk at the loft. He had a speech already prepared to fight his way into Michael's life, if he had to... but it was shaping up not to be true.

"You're right, Brian." Michael hooked his arm about his bent knees. He knew he wasn't perfect, knew he had flaws and faults. Thing was... Brian always let him slide on by. It was when Michael got into relationships with men other then Brian when he learned he wasn't truly Prince Charming, either. "I'm so fuckin' hung up on the words. I seem to forget you have ways of showing me... of telling me... of letting me know you do... and, for now... that will do."

"You sure?" Brian couldn't tell by Michael's voice if he was or not.

Michael inched back toward Brian, dragging him by his shoulders to climb into bed with him. "I've never been more comfortable with us then I am now. I was worried... for a long time... but you've assured me, billions of times, you always have..."

Brian pulled the comforter up with them, covering their half-naked bodies with the warm blankets. "... and always will..."

"See... point right there."

They were just about to get comfy, entangled and wrapped about one another, when Michael quickly slipped out.

"Mikey, wha-?" Brian saw Michael shut his bedroom door, sneak over to his CD player and set the song to repeat, over and over. He pressed the arrow key to Play and jumped back into the bed, snuggling with his best friend. His possible future, if he wanted. "Michael..." He began to ponder a few things while the song played in the background.

They'd surely grow completely sick of it by morning light.

"Huh?" Michael hid in the crevice of Brian's neck and shoulder, tucking his leg between Brian's thighs.

"What ultimatum did Ben give you? He still think you'll give him a chance by some particular date or something?"

"New Year's Eve." Michael mumbled out against Brian's skin.

"Oooo... that's original. Why not just fly with Valentine's Day and really suck at being unique. So what exactly does he expect?"

"An answer."

"To what? And which will be?" Brian sing-songed hoping to get a sneak peek at Michael's response.

"Can't tell you. Have to wait and see." Michael sunk down further into Brian's embrace with a sheepish smile on his lips. He swung an arm across Brian's chest, catching his fingers on the shoulder bone.

"What sinister plan are you unfolding in that head of yours?" Brian nudged his face in the side of Michael's.

"I think I'll follow your plan." Michael whispered in Brian's ear.

"You're gonna buy a Clay Aiken CD?" Brian frowned in displeasure.

Michael smacked Brian's bare biceps. "Quit it! Leave him alone, Brian." He loved feeling the deep belly laugh under him.

"I'm just sayin'..."

"Well don't." Michael lifted his head up, slightly to look over at Brian. "No... I think... I'll give my answers in song."

Brian tried to smother himself with a pillow. "Good God! Kill me now!"

"Please! Don't be such a Drama Queen!"

"I don't want any singing telegrams at my office, I don't want you singing to me over the speaker-phone or on my cell... and I surely don't want you making me any mix tapes like you used to do in high school."

Michael heard the lists of DON'Ts, discovering his one DO wasn't on Brian's list. "I promise."

"Pinky promise."

"Brian... we never pinky promised before. Isn't that a little childish?"

Brian forced Michael to pinky promise before they both drifted off into sleep. "I ain't taking any chances with you, Novotny."

"Sleep, Brian." Michael clamped a hand over Brian's eyes to make the lashes close. "I'll make you breakfast in the morning, if you go to sleep."

"Mmmm... do you do this for all the men creeping out of your bedroom in the morning?"

"No." Michael answered with a chuckle, hearing the jealousy in Brian's tone.

"Good." Brian squeezed Michael a little tighter, swinging his leg over Michael's.

"Great." Michael's sighed over Brian's chest.

"Exactly."

As their breathes evened out, they drifted off to sleep as soon as they found a comfortable position to lay in.

They were clasped about one another, hidden under covers and centered on the mattress. They knew from experience that if they slept apart they'd only end up rolling back to meet each other sometime in the morning.

So why not start the night off that way, instead?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Hunter was used to seeing two bodies at the dining room table. He never bothered to fully open his eyes to see WHO was sharing breakfast with Michael. He had forgotten what happened yesterday evening. All he did was scratch below his belly button, swipe up a piece of bacon and head for a shower. "Mornin', My Two Dads!" He mumbled on his way through the bathroom door, not paying close attention. He paused at the mirror, reopening the door and stared open mouthed at the man who had taken Ben's place.

Michael smirked and winked as he slowly slurped his coffee. "Hey, sleepyhead. How do you feel?"

Hunter turned his head to face Michael. "How long have I been out?"

Brian snickered, making a face. He brought his plate to the sink. "Contributing to the delinquency of a minor, Mikey? Hmmm... how positively dangerous and un-parent-like of you. What would God and Social Services think?"

Hunter made an airy laughing noise. "I had one cup, thank you very much. Michael was out before he saw me. The shit was nasty anyway. Don't know how Michael had two."

"I had TWO?" Michael blanched. He hadn't eaten much food this morning.

"I'll see you boys later." Brian walked over to Michael's side, kissed the offered cheek and put on his jacket. His hand lingered in Michael's hair, playing at the shaved bottom portion. He wished they could have stayed in bed longer. He would have liked spending Christmas morning with Michael. Maybe even Hunter, too... if he behaved. He left with a weird *spring* in his step that was very un-Kinney.

Hunter grew very worried. He waited until Brian was gone, the door completely shutting. "You two fucked, didn't you?" What else could explain Brian's swagger?

"Now, son..." Michael couldn't stop the foolish smiling he felt like doing. "I don't kiss-n-tell and... I wouldn't go THAT far to impress even you."

"Well, how far did you two lovebirds go?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Michael kept his reply under wraps. "It's none of your business, either... so don't think you can worm it out of me." He stood, picking up his own plate to carry to the sink. He downed the rest of his coffee, standing in the center of his tiny kitchen. He saw Hunter, immovable, nearly tapping his foot for an explanation. "Go take your shower, before you make us late. Ma's expecting us in an hour or so." He wandered about, wiping the counter off, placing pans in the dishwater to soak. He dried off his hands and paced toward his own bedroom.

Hunter sobered up about teasing Michael. "Did Ben mention he'd try to show his face today?" He was still hurt by Ben's quick decision to desert all of them the day before Christmas Eve. Their sickeningly sweet family shopping outing had turned tragic the second they came home. Ben even made Jenny Rebecca cry. Asshole!

From inside his room, one of the doors open, Michael responded. "Nope! Left his gifts, though. Wants me to make excuses for him. Pass condolences and apologies for what he's done... as I saw fit."

"Wow! How fuckin' proper of him." Hunter mumbled as he took steps to inch closer to Michael's doorway. "Did he seriously think you would take him up on that lame ass offer he stiffed you with?"

Michael hurried out of the bedroom, pulling a T-shirt over his head. He almost collided with Hunter. Perfectly dodging his teenage son, Michael shook out the sandy-brown, V-neck pullover sweater. He knew his thick dark brown corduroys went well with everything he put on, even his green/black suede boots. There was no telling what kind of snowfall they had outdoors or what kind of workout his mother would have him doing for Christmas dinner. She probably already had her food shopping list formulated on scrap paper to pin to his shirt. "What offer?" Michael was so over Ben's treatment of him the other day.

" _ ***Love me or Love Brian. I'll wait for your answer by the stroke of midnight on New Year's Eve... we'll meet atop a high tower and doth do pledge our fateful love of years...***_ " Hunter play-acted, recreating Ben's desperate plea as if he were *Romeo*... pining for *Juliet*.

Michael rolled his eyes, quietly chuckling at Hunter's sarcastic humor. The young man continued to remind him of Brian. No wonder he had been hooked early on. He yanked his pant legs down over his thick socks. "Christ! You heard that?"

"Yeah. I'm not deaf. Nor does this place fit the design of some grand palace where I have my own wing. I tried to drown you guys out. I caught most of the screaming match."

"We neither screamed... nor yelled."

"Raised voices... whatthefuckever... it sounded bad from where I was." Hunter wasn't satisfied with Michael's non-answer to his question.

Michael reached out to grab onto Hunter's wrist. "Hey... I'm sorry. I won't apologize for Ben, but I didn't mean to..."

Hunter brushed Michael's apology away. "That's not the point." He cleared his throat. "Did you end up telling Brian?"

"Yeah... he knows."

"Cool. Have you decided?" Hunter crossed thin arms over his naked, rail-thin chest. Getting kind of chilly standing around in just his cotton boxers.

Michael tied his last shoelace, letting his foot fall off the coffee table edge. He stared ahead of him, out the flimsy, sheer curtains. Looked a bit on the gray side outdoors. "I think, in a way, I've always known."

"Mmm-Hmm..." Hunter didn't need much else to know who Michael loved most... and best. "You sure he's gonna want you?"

"I'm desperate enough to throw myself down at his feet." Michael sighed heavily, realizing his sudden heavy burden. What struck him was how easily his decision had been made... in a split second of time. "We've been through a lot over the years."

"Whoa!" Hunter could see the change in Michael features. "Man, you really love him." He shook his head in wonder.

"He's told me plenty of times... and sometimes I don't listen very well like I should. I hope I'm not too late. I don't want to lose him."

"So you gave Brian the same offer?" Hunter asked out of curiosity.

"He didn't come over last night to declare undying love. He simply needed to explain himself, where he wants to be and what he's feeling at the moment."

"But... it was enough, wasn't it?" Hunter tried to disguise his easy smile, but it was useless. He never thought he'd see the day.

"Sure was. More then I ever expected from him." Michael couldn't prevent the same smile from slipping out that graced Hunter's face.

"Sometimes... the holidays make the crazy, the weird... seem sane... or logical." Hunter stubbed his bare toe on the carpet under the coffee table. "Ben does love you, ya' know?"

Michael became serious again. "I do, that's what makes this so difficult."

"I don't envy you, but..." Hunter tucked his hands under his armpits. "... well, from where I see it, there's no difficulty at all."

"Really?" Michael stood, rubbing his sweaty palms on his thighs.

"Come on... all those years Brian's been shitty to you, yet he's still here and hasn't backed down. On the other hand, there's Ben... being nice, sweet and kind, then suddenly turns... freaky-disturbing. Like a two headed monster, dude. Be one way, then turn evil? Uh... no. My money's on Kinney."

"Interesting viewpoint, but you're not gonna get me to spill my secret."

"Michael! I'm like... jones-in' over here! I need some resolution to my broken home life."

Michael put up his parental index finger. "Don't try to tug at my heartstrings, boy!" He moved Hunter out of his way and walked into the kitchen to clean up the mess he had made. Then he stopped, spun on his foot. He faced Hunter. A wild, frolicking grin on his lips. It was only a fraction of a thought in his head. "Would you like to help me?"

"Aide and abet you on your journey toward finding Tru-ew Wuv?"

"Can I take that as a *yes*, Miracle Max?" Michael bit out as he rolled up his sleeves to begin making Hunter a plate of food.

Hunter held his belly as he chuckled to his heart's content, he'd run off to shower after he had a plate of delicious breakfast. He and Michael masterminded for a few minutes, in the meantime.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Michael didn't know how he lasted until the very day he promised both Ben and Brian.

Ben had agreed to keep his distance. Actually preferring this way so he didn't have to watch Michael fawn over Brian. He called to check on Hunter, get any Jenny updates and ask how Michael was fairing. He wanted Michael to look deep within his heart, not make a knee jerk choice to make twenty years seem like they were worth the pain and suffering he'd gone through. He wanted Michael to be honest with who he really loved... most of all finally being honest within himself.

Michael didn't fawn over Brian. In fact, it was just the opposite, but only to Michael's eyes.

Brian tried to spend more time with Michael in the past week, then he had in two years. He was never overly affectionate, he just lingered in doing things with Michael more. The hugs, the kisses, the hand-holding _**(**_ _which truly threw Michael_ _ **)**_ all became more then Brian's usual forte.

Michael got a kick from the feeling, knowing he was making the right choice. He didn't want to reveal his answer too soon. He didn't speak of he and Brian's friendship growing stronger, nor did he care to involve anyone in his cherished secrets.

Justin had to rush back to L.A. and would be spending New Year's Eve with Brett and his Hollywood crowd of pals. Brian had already asked Michael to go out that night, something going on at Woody's, then their usual stop-off at Babylon... if time permitted.

Brian wasn't deterred from not knowing Michael's decision. He didn't even try to push Michael toward his favor. He already knew Michael knew, but kept it close to his heart until the time was right. And Brian wanted to be there. He had to admit it was awkward hanging out with Michael now, knowing the huge bounty dangling over their heads.

Each man, Ben and Brian, got beeped at the same time on New Year's Eve day.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Ben was in the middle of listening to one of his favorite gay poets give a lecture on diversity in the written language and arts, when he felt the vibrations on his belt. He gave his beeper's LCD screen a look-see. Christ!

What kind of numbers was he looking at? Couldn't be a phone number... they were... awful longer then seven digits, even with an area code.

Ben scribbled them down on his notebook paper. Around break time, he deduced a certain fact from the array of numbers and how often some repeated over and over. He remembered a few of his students using their beepers, when text messengers weren't around, to communicate.

The numbers would correspond to letters in the alphabet. Problem was... they might be shortened and not make much sense until he thought over them as if he were some mad scientist.

Lord! Had to be some way Michael was trying to reach him today.

Ben had to admit he was slightly jazzed to know Michael would go to this much trouble to respond to his offer. He smiled at the thought that Michael might forgive him...

Wait... what exactly was he expecting Michael to forgive him for? Uh... no... he hadn't admitted seeing the other man, another professor of his from his college days. Umm... that was the one albatross hanging off his neck. Shit!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
 ****meat librty ave... wondur mi ansr... latelee eye oh-n-lee sing et... bye mi rechord****  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What the fuck?

Ben hated cryptic messages. He wished Michael had simply called and chatted with him. He wanted to meet with Michael some place... alone and romantic... just the two of them.

Once the break was over, the poet/speaker came back behind his podium... and Ben couldn't concentrate on anything but solving what could only amount to a riddle from Michael.

Twenty minutes later, the scheduled time for the lecture nearly close, Ben figured something out... as best he could...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
 ****Meet Michael on Liberty Avenue...***  
**Think about his answer/ wonder about his answer to the offer**  
**Lately, Michael's been singing it or... something music related... like listening to a song**  
**Buy his record... must mean Ben had to go to a music store ON Liberty Avenue.****  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ben could only sit in his seat for a few minutes, taking everything in. Well... he'd know if Michael was his by late tonight... hopefully earlier. He saw a familiar face approach him. He placed on his plastic smile. "Hi."

"I thought I recognized you, Benjamin. Then I saw your name on the sign-in sheet. You didn't tell me you were coming."

"Or you would've what, Greg? And remember... it's *Ben*. I'm not in your class anymore." Ben pulled himself from his slumped position in his chair.

"You are so right about that." Greg gave Ben's impressive muscular physique a once-over. What a change from all those years ago in his own class. "I hear you teach, too. I didn't have any influence over that, did I?"

Ben couldn't believe how nervous he still felt around his old professor _**(**_ _who actually didn't look that older now, even though it had been almost ten years_ _ **)**_. Greg had only matured and grown into his seniority. "Nah, but there's a slim chance you might have."

Greg took the seat in front of Ben's desk. "You free now? " He looked at the time on his watch. "I have to be over at the library to tutor a student. You want to go for some decent coffee... somewhere close by?"

"There's a Starbucks on campus."

"Seriously?" Greg glanced at Ben over his tiny lenses. "They must make some kind of killin' here."

Ben deeply chuckled. Greg's humor had always been an attractive factor.

Michael hadn't really said WHEN to show up at the record store.

Besides... how long did it take to drink one cup of coffee?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Brian received his message a little differently then Ben did.

His came threw his beeper, too. Similar way of numbers making him frown in befuddlement. He was only finishing up some last minute work at his office. He sent everyone home early, having handed out bonus checks for extra incentive to enjoy the New Year.

Oh... Gawd... Michael was heavily influential on that part. All he had done was innocently asked Brian if he had shown those employees who had stood by him threw thick and thin... how much they were appreciated. Then he retold the story of when The Big Q had shocked him, plenty of times, adding some extra zeros to his own paychecks. Made him giddy like a little girl.

Brian chuckled, shaking his head. Michael and his child-like ways... they were getting addictive. Yeah... like a drug...

So he jotted the series of numbers down... pretty much immediately thinking it was a secret, cryptic message. He frowned when the letters didn't resemble any words, not even shortened ones.

Then he thought about the way they formed, doubling up and looking very peculiarly placed... like a tune of some song...

Was it Morse code?

Michael was a genius freak. Not book smart, but the boy could make you change your way of thinking with his innocent manners and thought provoking questions. He would certainly do something as cheesy and lame as pressing out some type of code song on Brian's beeper.

Why hadn't Michael simply called him on his cell phone? Played the song over the line?

Brian whipped out his cell phone, looking down at his number pad. He pressed out the numbers, only able to faintly hear the sounds each keypad made. The way the sounds blended clicked in his head to some recognizable song.

Hey... Michael HAD stated he'd give his answers *in song*... maybe this was a song from their past. One they both enjoyed or had gotten a discreet *kick* out of, a strange *high* off of. A song that spoke of their relationship... their close friendship.

Hmm...

Brian put away his cell phone, moving to his desk phone. This way he could keep his ear on the extension while listening to the number keys play out in the speaker.

The tune was making him crazy after ten minutes. He knew he knew it. Michael had probably worn out the vinyl on the record, then the tape on the cassette. He could possibly have finally bought it on CD and now it was wearing away on his CD player.

Or... maybe not...

Brian's cell phone vibrated in his pocket, jerking him out of his seat. "Shit!" He held a hand to his delicate heart. "Speak or die!"

"What are you doing for lunch?"

"Why?" Brian sat back, relaxed in his chair. Hearing Michael's voice always eased him to calm. "You gonna feed me this time? Can I buy something really expensive off the menu like you did the other day?"

"Hey, bucko... it's Christmas and we're entering a New Year. Get over yourself."

"I just wish..." Brian feigned an overemotional state of crying... wiping at fake tears. "... someone _**(**_ _not naming names_ _ **)**_... special in my life... *gulp*... would take the initiative to show ME... how very special I am... *sniff*... to them..." He knew he'd struck *gold* by hearing Michael's laughter on the other end.

"Good Lord, man! People call ME pathetic."

"Yeah... I DO!"

"See!!"

"Sorry..." Brian pinched the bridge of his nose. His heart was racing. Man! This wasn't like him. He thought he had things under control. He didn't think he could actually be this high-strung over talking with Michael. "What did you want?"

"Can you do me a favor?"

"Sure." Brian hadn't even asked what it was. He prayed it didn't involved Debbie... or Ted... or Emmett... or...

Michael snickered at how quickly Brian jumped at his question. This man was whipped, for sure! "I need you to pick up something for Hunter. No wait... actually it's a belated X-mas gift that I was supposed to get Hunter. I had to special order it. Damn thing finally showed up."

"Santa being stingy again?"

"Will you do it?"

"Are we still on for tonight?"

"Uh... Woody's... then Babylon..." Michael supplied the usual answers.

"I'm your man, Michael." Brian realized it was too late to take back that kind of comment as Michael giggled in his ear and said goodbye. He fell flat on his face, on his glass desk top trying to knock some damn sense into his head. What was Michael doing to him?

Michael had given Brian the music store's name and where it was... on Liberty Avenue.

  


 **==========tbc...==========  
** [ **  
** ](http://docs.google.com/Doc?docid=0AeKjF_KZqdm0ZGQ2emh3dHpfNTExNTdwMm5qZHg&hl=en)


	3. Chapter 3

Brian couldn't believe his dumb luck. Michael had sent him to the same music store he'd been in the day before Christmas Eve. Where he had bought that Kelly Clarkson CD. Ugh! He hoped the clerk he had that day wasn't there. Now that he didn't have Justin hanging off him... would the man take more of an interest or drop him like cold turkey? 

As he entered the store, his eyes searched out the other customers, not sure this was the motley crew he wanted to be seen with.

Thankfully a woman turned around from the high sale counter. "Can I help you with anything, sir?"

Sir? Yikes...

"Yeah, you can actually." Brian tucked his hands in his coat's pockets. "I'm here to pick up an order for *Novotny*."

"Are you him?" She scratched at her facial piercings.

"No..." Brian stared at her with ice dripping down his glare. "Is that gonna be a problem?"

The sales girl actually smiled, shaking her head. "He said you'd be charming." She bent low under the counter to pull out the paper bag, containing a CD. "See..." She handed him the CD inside. "... I'm supposed to direct you to one of listening stations. I got it set-up already for you to listen."

LISTEN... to what?

Brian could only gaze at this complete stranger in silence, stunned beyond belief.

What... the fuck... had Michael gotten him into?

This was no gift for Hunter. This was... a shitty ambush... or maybe not *shitty* in the terrible, nasty connotation it was normally meant in, but... a little cruel. And in front of a woman, too.

Oooo... Michael was gonna pay dearly for this.

Brian flipped over the case... and almost blanched and choked at the  
same time.

Gloria Estefan and the Miami Sound Machine's Greatest Hits... well... at least it wasn't Celine Dion's Best...

Brian strolled over to the listening station the sales woman had directed him toward. Placing the earphones on his head, he searched for the position of the CD in the player.

CD #5.

Brian pulled out the CD booklet. A yellow sticky note proclaimed that track number three really, really, really wanted and desired him to play it. He couldn't help chuckling.

So... sad... funny... adorable... just like Michael could be...

Michael had safely covered the song title, keeping it a mystery, until Brian would hit Play...

Brian did and immediately discovered it was the tune Michael had sent him over his beeper. No wonder it had sounded familiar to him. He tried to recall the title, but blanked... caught up in the lyrics...

He opened the booklet to find the lyrics and saw one more sticky note from Michael. "Listen to ME... Are you listening, Brian?"

Brian was going to die trying if he had to.

Yeah... he and Michael had semi-salivated over this song. It did help in slow dances at school get-togethers and whiling away the boring summer days when they lazed around at the Novotny home...

This time, though... Brian knew he had to pay attention to the lyrics... word for word... and they would tell him Michael's decision. If they were actually going out tonight or... Ben was back in Michael's life...

Damn!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
 **Can't Stay Away From You**  
 _By Gloria Estefan_

_**Time flies  
When you're having fun  
I heard somebody say  
But if all I've been is fun  
Then baby let me go  
Don't wanna be in your way  
And I don't wanna be your second choice  
Don't wanna be just your friend  
You keep telling me that you're not in love  
You wanna throw it all away** _

**_But I can't stay away from you  
I don't wanna let you go  
And though it's killing me that's true  
There's just some things I can't control  
Your love is slipping through my hands  
And though I've heard it all before  
I know you're telling me the truth  
I know it's just no use  
But I can't stay away from you_ **

_**Hold on to every bit of hope, that's all I ever do  
Hoping you might change your mind  
And call me up to say how much you need me too  
And though you're leaving me no other choice  
Than to turn and walk away  
Look over your shoulder, I'll be there  
You can count on me to stay ...** _

**_'cause I can't stay away from you  
I don't wanna let you go..._ **   
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

Brian almost wore the CD out.

If this was Michael's answer... then... Brian was the *victor*...

He felt like cheering... doing a little dance or jig, but catching sight of Benji leaving the same store with his head bowed and his *tail* between his legs... made him pause in shock.

Ben never spotted him as he hurriedly exited out onto the street, quickly pulling out a pack of smokes and lighting up a cigarette.

Brian snuffed out a snicker. "Well..." He'd follow the man, but truthfully he was curious to what Ben had been in here for.

Had Michael given him the brush-off in song?

Brian noticed another listening station set-up that looked deserted. Ben must have left everything in it's place. Just running away like a scaredy cat.

Didn't all losers usually disgusts themselves?

Brian took off his headphones and strolled over to Ben's ex-area. The song was still playing.

Stevie Wonder... Hotter Then July CD... Track #9...

Brian decided to replay the song over, just to satisfy his mind.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
 **Lately**  
 _By Stevie Wonder_

_**Lately, I have had the strangest feeling  
With no vivid reason here to find  
Yet the thought of losing you's been hanging  
'round my mind** _

**_Far more frequently you're wearing perfume (_ ** _cologne_ _**)  
With you say no special place to go  
But when I ask will you be coming back soon  
You don't know, never know** _

**_Well, I'm a man of many wishes  
Hope my premonition misses  
But what I really feel my eyes won't let me hide  
`Cause they always start to cry  
`Cause this time could mean goodbye_ **

_**Lately I've been staring in the mirror  
Very slowly picking me apart  
Trying to tell myself I have no reason  
With your heart** _

**_Just the other night while you were sleeping  
I vaguely heard you whisper someone's name  
But when I ask you of the thoughts you're keeping  
You just say nothing's changed_ **

**_Well, I'm a man of many wishes  
I hope my premonition misses  
But what I really feel my eyes won't let me hide  
`Cause they always start to cry  
`Cause this time could mean goodbye... goodbye_ **   
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

And THAT was how Michael Charles Novotny said *goodbye* to his ex-partner, husband-of-one year, Benjamin Bruckner...

Poor guy... Michael must have toiled over that song choice. Pretty self-explanatory, too. Brian felt bad for bitchin' and moaning about his troubles, knowing Michael had been dealing with Ben's betrayal of their supposed marriage vows. Yuck!

Now... it was time for Brian to find out what Michael had in store for him tonight at Woody's or Babylon.

Christ! The effort he put in this step of admission was eventful enough, there was no telling the level of sappiness Michael might sink to.

Brian only hoped and prayed he had the stomach to last through it all... whatever was in store for him.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

... Or maybe Brian would simply wing it...

Michael had pulled away from the bar, yet again. Holding a hand over his empty ear while trying to listen to a voice on his cell phone. “Say again?!” He drew back from the counter, trying to find a quiet area to hear better.

At first, Brian was stunned into quiet. Michael was never that rude. By the third time a call had come through... he was wringing his lips in frustration. He downed the last of his beer. His eyes caught sight of Michael from the side. The charming smile spreading across Michael’s lips wasn’t making him any more comfortable, either.

They had decided to come to Babylon, before showing up at Woody’s. Woody’s would be saved until the midnight hour tolled about.

Michael was content to sit at the bar, milk brewskies and watch other men have fun on the dance floor. A few times he had already pointed out beautiful younger men swaying to the riotous beats. Elbowing Brian when he could plainly see they were salivating over his gorgeous body.

Brian only remained speechless, swallowing his Sam Adams with a lump in his throat, but what about...? Had Michael even sent him to the damn music store? Had Brian not seen Ben storm out of *said* store to sulk on the street? Or had everything up until now been a terribly... harshly cruel... dream?

Maybe all Brian had done was leave work and go straight to the loft... not taken the cryptic beeper call, or Michael’s request to pick up Hunter’s *X-mas* gift... or even that he had listened to the song in his head that Michael had chosen for him that gave him an idea of an answer...

Problem was... when would Michael find the nerve to complete the answer? Brian only had half a reply, to his own mind.

But Brian knew it had happened, because he was completely sober. Although by now, he wished he could drown in alcohol or inhale something specially blended to take him to some higher plane. Maybe he could buy... no, not going to happen. There was too much in how Michael was acting tonight that perplexed him, gave him cause to second guess this strategy to ignore Brian’s very existence. Make him think everything was hunky-dory, back to normal.

Brian walked around the other side of the bar, able to view Michael from afar, not shielded by a crowd of heads. He kept his chin in his hand as he leaned over the counter, simply enjoying the sight of Michael talking on the phone. He wondered if he had been missed at all.

Once Michael got off the phone, he figured Brian had ditched him for the backroom or dragged some twink onto the dance floor. He asked the barkeep for two shots, downing them both the minute they were poured.

Brian snickered into his hand. AH-ha! Liquid confidence. He knew it well. He whistled across the bar.

Michael frowned, recognizing the whistle. He let out a sly smirk, wondering why Brian wasn’t taking his *bait*. Damn! He had probably been watching him for quite awhile now.

A particular song began. The churning beats thumping the bodies between Brian and Michael.

Brian pushed off from the bar... doing a freaky, rhythm-less *white boy* dance that had Michael cracking up, almost spitting out his beer.

Michael shook his head, trying to push his way back to Brian, solo dancing like a loser, when he knew he wasn’t. He knew he was frustrating Brian to no end, possibly making him even angrier. He couldn’t reveal himself too soon... or the power he had would be useless and his control would be lost.  
 _ **  
“Embrace me... surround me... as the rush comes.”**_ The woman kept singing as the tune continued to repeat over and over, echoing in Michael’s head. _**“We drift deeper into the sound... life goes on... we drift deeper into the sound... feeling strong... so bring it on... so bring it on...”**_

Michael reached out for Brian flaying hands, pulling him to follow behind him. “Stop embarrassing me... and yourself.”

“Hey... I was born with rhythm... in my soul...”

Michael tried not to let the giggling hold him from keeping the beat. His hands reached up to circle Brian’s neck. This made Brian have to keep his arms down, close to his sides and not up in the air like Emmett would. “There’s no need to make a show... just...” He leaned his forehead on Brian’s, swaying their bodies in time with each other. “Listen to the music... and feel... me... feel what I do...” His fingers scraped down the shaved portion of the back of Brian’s hair.

A new song was beginning to start.

Brian took a deep breath, inhaled Michael’s sweet scent.

Michael closed his eyes, losing himself in Brian’s hold.

Brian couldn’t take his eyes off Michael.

Michael felt the piercing gaze, even as his lids were shut. His spine  
tingled from Brian’s mere touch along his back, the barely there  
finger tips rolling up and down, under his shirt.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
 **Beautiful Things**  
 _by Andain_

_**Got up early, found something's missing  
my only name.  
No one else sees but I got stuck,  
and soon forever came.  
Stopped pushing on for just a second,  
then nothing's changed.  
Who am I this time, where's my name  
I guess it crept away.** _

**_No one's calling for me at the door.  
And unpredictable won't bother anymore.  
And silently gets harder to ignore._ **

**_I forgot that I might see,  
So many beautiful things.  
Beautiful things._ **   
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

Plenty of men were trying to dislodge Brian Kinney from the arms of his best friend. It was looking more and more like he wasn’t available for the evening. That nobody could fit the bill to be the new *trick* of the year.

Or was Michael Novotny becoming that very *trick*, replacing legions of men that had preceded him?

Brian knew all eyes were on them. Knew that he had to do something to protect his best friend from harmful gossip. He shut his lids, keeping their foreheads together... and listening to music in the background...

Was that what Michael was doing, too? Why he hadn’t open his eyes once to look him in the face? Was he going with the way their bodies melded, like always? Was he hearing the lyrics and finding they mirrored their lives or one of their lives...?

Why hadn’t he noticed music around them like Michael did?

Brian seemed to only be interested in the beat and measures, how they blended effortlessly. Never once paid attention to what they said or meant. Why now? Why was everything coming into focus in Michael’s arms this very night?

Everything... and Brian meant... everything...

His arms tightened about Michael’s waist, finding a niche to slide his hands in down the sides of Michael’s hips. His thumbs connecting to the belt loops and resting there. The jeans sagging with the force of his fingers weakening. He wasn’t going to pull them off... he simply liked the feel of Michael’s skin, especially when it had a light sheen of sweat on it.

He heard the trip in Michael’s breathing. The moment that his knee slid between Michael’s thighs and found a place to settle.

Michael sucked in a rush of air, blowing it out on Brian’s neck.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
 _ **Take this happy ending away, it's all the same.  
God won't waste this simplicity on possibility.  
Get me up, wake me up, dreams are filling  
this trace of blame.  
Frozen still I thought I could stop,  
now who's gonna wait.**_

 **_No one's calling for me at the door.  
and unpredictable won't bother anymore.  
and silently gets harder to ignore.  
look straight ahead, there's nothing left to see.  
what's done is done, this life has got it's hold on me.  
just let it go, what now can never be._ **

**_so many beautiful things..._ **   
_**  
Now what do I do  
can I change my mind?  
did I think things through?  
It was once my life  
it was my life at one time** _

**_I forgot that I might see,  
So many beautiful things.  
I forgot that I might need,  
to find out what Life could bring._ **   
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

Brian’s eyes languidly reopened, following a familiar face on it’s way towards the backroom. His curiosity was peaked. He always wanted to ask this man... this perpetual *bottom*... what his secret was...

Michael felt himself go cold as Brian drew away, the song ending. He had been so carried away in Brian’s arms he had no way to recover from the sudden loss. His mouth was open to tease Brian, but the way those intense hazel eyes trailed a bouncing blond head on it’s way toward the backroom kept him silent. “Brian... wait... I...” His cell phone rang again. “Shit!” He didn’t feel like answering it this time. Didn’t care who it was.

Brian brought his face back to look down at Michael. “Answer it, Novotny. Or you’ll piss off whoever’s on the other end.” He cupped the flushed cheek. “I’ll be back.”

“Brian... no... wait...”

Brian slipped his hand along Michael's forearm, getting absorbed in the naked throng of men. He held up one finger in a silent promise.

Christ! Was Brian giving him one minute or one hour?

Michael could feel the eyes boring into him as his phone kept ringing.

The ringing disturbed the flow of music and dancing... no grooves were  
getting on when the incessant tone wasn’t quieted.

Michael groaned as he answered the call. “What!” He stomped over to the bar, leaning over the counter in secret pain. He was trying to come down from a *Kinney* high. One that he hadn’t felt in quite a long time. Nothing had changed. He still loved his best friend... and wanted him just as badly...

He tried to listen closely to the voice on the other line as it told him that things were in place and ready to go when he was...

“Thanks...” Michael sighed, hanging up quite rudely.

What good did that do him now?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Brian didn’t want to lose the blond head at any point in time, so he quickened his pace. He hoped he could catch the man before things got heavy. He charged up ahead, moving around to face the man in question.

“Hey! How’s it going?” Brian crossed his arms. Taking a wide stance of blocking passage.

“Brian? Wha-?” The man blinked his eyes.

“I heard something. From a little birdie... I wanted to see if it was true...”

The man glanced over his shoulder to the Leather God who was gyrating his hips with another patron while he was talking to Brian. “I got plans, Brian... what do you need to ask me?” A hand was threaded through the dirty blond hair, the gold band glinting in the blue hued lighting.

Brian grabbed for the hand and yanked. “So it’s true...” He raised his eyes, hopeful. “You got hitched? Fuck! How long ago? You never said one word! I thought everyone was joking.”

“How long have you seen me here... in this backroom... my hands along the wall, gettin’ slammed into by different men... then you or Michael say ‘Hey, Todd, how’s it going’? Although last year that blond kid you were seeing asked me... but that’s not important...”

Brian tried to think back. It had been a very long time. “Todd... don’t ask me to do math right now.”

Todd laughed, his hand going backwards to grab onto the Leather God’s belt buckle and pull... hard. “Mine!” He pushed the other man away, trying to keep his man up against the wall and out of everyone else’s sights. “So... what is it you want to ask me?”

Brian noticed how disinterested Leather God seemed in the particular sexual act he and Todd might get into. “I happen to also hear... it was your best friend that you married. Come on... tell me it isn’t true?”

“You’re serious? You barely even know me, Brian. Why would you even care...?” Todd suddenly began to think everything over. “It’s Michael, isn’t it?”

“Pardon?” Brian pretended he couldn’t hear.

Todd smiled mischievously. “You want Michael, don’t you?”

“Want him?... well, sure I do. Think I’m blind AND stupid.”

Leather God chose to speak beyond his mustache. “Apparently someone is...”

Todd patted his new conquest’s chest, rubbing through the dark curly hairs, playing with a hard nipple. “Brian... I know we’re not buds, but take this advice... best friend sex is the ultimate climax for men like us.”

“Us? What do you mean?”

“Every time you see me... I *bottom*, don’t I?”

“Yeah, but what does that...?”

“Ask me what I do for a living?”

Brian sighed, moving to lean along the wall. “Hey, Todd, how’s it goin’... what do you do for a living?”

Todd snickered, shaking his head. He didn’t know how Michael could stand Kinney. “I own my own stock broker company. We’re one of the top one hundred small businesses in PA. I oversee groups of young, gorgeous men every day, Brian. Not a minute goes by that I don’t think how good they’ll look on their knees sucking my cock under my desk, but I don’t...”

Brain rolled his eyes. He had to hear this one. “Really, why?”

“Because Glenn is enough.”

“Glenn?” Brian wasn’t familiar with that name. Probably never even met him before.

“Old college buddy of mine... became my best friend... who became my husband... who became the only lover I’ll ever have. Who do you think’s been with me each time you guys say HI to me?”

Brian was getting confused. “But they were all different.”

“Are you sure?” Todd brought Leather God closer between them. “Brian... meet Glenn... my best friend and life partner...”

Brian stared in shock as a very docile man under the Leather Village People outfit tipped his hat towards him. “Oh... god...”

A friendly hand came out, gentle smile across thick red lips. “Nice to finally meet you, Brian Kinney. Todd’s told me so much about you... and Michael, too.”

“Really?” Brian glanced at Todd in puzzlement. “Why would you even find us that interesting?”

Todd raised his brow in question. He looked at Glenn who shrugged and laughed. “You’ve gotta be kiddin’ me? The Greatest Romance that never was? The Brian and Mikey show... perpetually stuck in re-runs? Brian... honey...” He placed a comforting hand on Brian’s biceps. “... it’s time to stow away the vinyl and start buying the CD.”

Brian lowered his eyes, hoping his feelings weren’t THAT obvious. “How...?” He couldn’t even get the stupid question past his lips.

Todd dipped his head to look directly into Brian’s eyes. Whew! The boy had pretty eyes you could dive into and drown. Poor Michael! “How have we made our friendship still last? Or how have we made... all this... still work?”

Brian cleared his throat, dodging his eyes around the room, hoping no one was listening to them talk. “I guess...”

“Role playing.” Glenn blurted out.

Todd slapped him on the ass. “Shut up. He was asking me.”

Glenn shut his mouth and his eyes in agony. He was still hard as a rock. “Excuse me, boys, for a minute.” He melted backwards into the shadows.

Brian sure didn’t want Glenn to cum without his husband present. “Look, you don’t have to...”

“Brian, I was once just like you. Fuckin’ all the guys I could, never remembering a single name and liking that. Thought it was what I wanted. I worked for a HUGE brokerage in Philadelphia... had my future all planned out. Then my floor caved under me and I was being framed for some missing money. I knew why I was being shoved out, but I left with my pride still intact and a sizable sum in my pocket to keep quiet. Left me empty inside. I get this call from Glenn and it’s like a voice from the past. Like we’ve never been apart. And he’s heard about me losing my job. Says he’s been thinking about starting his own business... would I be interested in being his *partner*. He was the only one who was there for me when I was down and out... I was blacklisted in my career. Nobody wanted me, nobody cared... except him. He took me out to lunch the day we met again to go over our business plan. He told me about his secret crush on me. Said he’d just gotten out of a six-year relationship. He didn’t care for permanence anymore, wanted to fuck and party like he was s swinging bachelor. He knew I could get him into places he always dreamed of.”

“And you didn’t want any of THAT all of a sudden?” Brian asked, almost scuffing his shoes on the dirty, sticky floor.

Todd shook his head. “Oddly, I didn’t, you’re right. So... one night I think Glenn’s back here getting it on with some red-headed freak-a-zoid who I thought was all wrong for him... and this guy approaches me. Okay, yeah... I’m a healthy male... I’m turned on, but I can’t get Glenn and that stupid red hair going down on him outta my mind.” He was slipping back into that moment, reliving each second. “Took me awhile to realize I had painted myself into a corner I couldn’t get out of. I loved Glenn... I mean really, fuckin’ LOVED him enough that I was ready to kick any red-haired asshole I came towards. Then Glenn revealed himself. He had never run off with that dumb twink. He was bending down at my knees ready to suck me off... and I haven’t let him stop since. At home... he’s always the *bottom* and I’m the *top*, but here in public we reverse our roles... Gets us so fuckin’ horny...” Todd was already rubbing himself in front of Brian.

“Think that’s my cue to leave you two lovebirds alone.” Brian hoped to find Glenn on his way out and send him back over.

Todd stripped off his T-shirt, throwing it down on the floor. “Take my silly advice or don’t Brian... but if I can see clearly that you love him... think about what Michael thinks and what he goes through when you always seem to run off with other men...”

“Don’t take offense if I don’t kiss you G’bye.” Brian tried to wave and back out slowly.

“ ***I*** surely won’t.” Leather God was back and this time he was carrying an array of whips. He winked at Brian and cracked the leather strands on the floor near Todd’s feet. “ON YOUR KNEES, SCUM!!”

Brian ran out as if he feared he’d be Glenn’s next victim. He laughed on his way back to the dancefloor. He shook his head at how life was quirky when you asked questions of other people. How you really got to know them and find out even when they looked boring... they were actually quite interesting.

Michael was being hit on. He was trying to smile, but it came out weak.

Time for Brian to invade this catastrophe before it went sour. “Sorry I took so long, sweetie. The bathroom got kinda crowded.” He sized up the tiny man seated on the bar stool picking up Michael. “Hey... who’s your new friend?”

“Not interested.” The man puffed out a frown, slipping off his stool and venturing into the crowds.

“Was it something I said?” Brian pouted his full lips.

“Maybe it was the sex he smelled off you.” Michael bit out in anger.

“Dance with me.” Brian rubbed Michael’s back in a soothing manner, trying to quell rising frustration

“No.”

“Why?”

“ ‘Cause...”

“Oh, yeah... heard that before. Come on... one more dance and...” Brian glanced at his watch. “We can head to Woody’s after this.”

“I really don’t want to. In fact...” Michael slapped a few bills on the counter. “I think I’m gonna call a taxi cab home. Call it a night.”

Brian frowned, hoping he could come back from drowning in his own mess. He knew he screwed around with Michael too many times, but this time... well, what did excuses really matter at this point? “I’m not good enough to ring in the new year with?”

“I don’t seem to ever... be enough for you.”

“Michael... wait...” Brian tried to grab for Michael’s wrist, but was unable to hold on tightly.

Michael was quickly sucked into the jumping bodies and gyrating hips. He was trying to sink into oblivion... that was until he realized something. This reminded him of a moment in their past.

Brian was leaning back along the bar, ready to turn around and ask for another bottle or two... when he was forcefully pushed against the bar ledge. “Whoa! Mikey...”

“Alex Connors!”

“Excuse me?”

“Explain to me about Alex Connors.”

Brian thought about the name. “Michael... that’s been years ago... why would you...?”

Michael’s index finger came out to push against Brian’s chest. “You told me... you said you met him at a party... once. So how did you know he’d be there... and you two might be seen together?”

“Michael... it was a summer fling... nothing more. If you recall, Alex dumped me, okay...”

“You told me...”

“I fed you lies so you’d feel vindicated for being left on Valentine’s Day... you little shit!”

“You let Alex suck you off to make my ex-boyfriend jealous? ... for me?”

“Yeah... that was pretty much my plan...”

“Your plan? Did you and Alex plan on making him break up with me like that?... in front of everybody?”

“Look, Michael... HE was trying to get to ME through you, but you wouldn’t listen. You had little hearts in your eyes that he actually loved you. What was I to do? So Alex agreed to test the asshole... plan worked too well, but he failed. He fell for Alex’s words, believed he was actually scoring a better piece of ass then me. Alex was a senior in high school... why not, huh? The bigger man on campus...”

Michael got quiet, way too quiet for Brian’s liking. “I didn’t ask you to seek revenge for me, Brian. Having my heart broken by HIM was enough.”

“I didn’t mean to hurt you, too... Michael... I never do... I just...” Brian had no way to explain himself. There was no way he could and get away with being squeaky clean.

“I know...” Michael reached out to soothe Brian’s chest. “Did I hurt you when I pushed you?”

Brian smirked as he grabbed for Michael’s hand, threading their fingers together. “You wanna dance with me, don’t you? That’s why you really came back.”

“You think you’re THAT irresistible?” Michael squinted his eyes on Brian. He always loved the big ego just as much as Brian’s vulnerable side.

“No... I just know what you really want...”

“Oh, really? How?”

“Because...” Brian drew Michael into his arms, his hands searching out the same place to rest, but inside the waist of the jeans, next to the bare skin. “It’s usually the same thing I need.”

Michael sunk into Brian’s embrace, wishing they could simply stay like this for another half-hour until the night rang twelve... and the start of a brand new year... but they still had one more place to go to...

“Brian...” Michael began, his head lulling on Brian’s shoulder.

“You wanna make our way to Woody’s, don’t you?”

“I’m simply saying... it’s tradition for us to hit both places on New Year’s Eve... I’d hate to break our momentum now.”

“Okay...” Brian patted Michael’s ass, rubbing the pain away. “Let’s get our coats... and go.”

“That’s it?”

“What else were you expecting?”

“You’re awful agreeable ... and calm tonight. Is there something you need to tell me?”

“Uh... nope, but I may need to... later... much, much later...” Brian walked out of Babylon with his arm around Michael’s neck, a familiar sight to some patrons.

There was something different though... maybe it was the way Brian Kinney hadn’t paid any other man attention all evening. And even on his way out gave all his love and care to his best friend... and making him laugh and giggle uncontrollably.

What the Hell?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Let’s go.” Michael turned back from Woody’s front door.

“Michael...” Brian sighed, getting colder by the minute. They had walked all the way from Babylon.

“No. I’m serious. If I had known this is what they planned for New Year’s, Brian...” Michael hand swept up toward the marquee that depicted what kind of celebration Woody’s was holding tonight. “I never would have suggested we come.”

Brian shoved Michael up the stairs into Woody’s. “Move... it, little man... or I’ll spank you good and hard...”

Someone coming down the steps, turned his head. “I’ll take the punishment, honey... if your boyfriend won’t...”

Michael chuckled at the word *boyfriend*. Yeah... they generally got mistaken for that when they were like this with one another. “Look, SWEET-EE...” He took a few steps down to come face to face with the other man. “Hands off. He’s mine until I say so... and if I say so, myself... you ain’t neveh...”

Brian grabbed Michael by the coat collar. “Alright then... let’s get inside where it’s warm and the alcohol is heavy.”

“Sorry.” Michael mumbled out as he shook his head, feeling weird for coming after men who usually would hit on Brian. He should be used to this kind of stuff. Why was it bothering him now?

“That was really cute, Mikey. I’ve never seen you so...”

“Pathetic?”

“No... possessive. You’ve neveh... *claimed* me before.” Brian did two-snaps-and-a-circle to show his appreciation for the attitude.

“Yeah... Sorry...” Michael grumbled, slipping his jacket off his arms.

“Hell, I liked it. Do it some more.”

They could hear the Karaoke contest going on in the other room.

“Christ! Let’s go shoot some pool.” Michael was already pulling Brian off in another direction.

“Michael... it might be fun.” Brian, at least, wanted to sneak toward the bar, grab some beers and get a peek at who was on stage... completely ruining their reputation.

“Fun? I’ve had enough fun for one night. I just want the new year to come and pass on by me... like it usually does.”

“But what about...?”

“What about... what, Brian?”

Brian wasn’t sure what Michael was so upset over. Could it still be that past memory of Alex Connors? Or was he really THAT ticked off about... things that were happening tonight... or weren’t happening?

“Nothing.” Brian threw both their coats onto some empty chairs. There were enough pool tables that were free. “Stripes or solids?”

Michael pulled out a coin. “Heads or tails.” He realized too late how dirty that sounded. “Don’t you dare...”

“What, Mikey?” Brian batted innocent eyes at Michael as he grabbed two pool sticks from the wall set, snapping down a blue cube.

**==========tbc...==========  
** [ **  
** ](http://docs.google.com/Doc?docid=0AeKjF_KZqdm0ZGQ2emh3dHpfNTEyZG5rcjdoZ3M&hl=en)


	4. Chapter 4

“Never mind... stripes...”

“You always choose stripes.” Brian pretended to whine, stomp his foot.

“Lord... solids then. Look if you’re gonna make the choice for me just go ahead and make it yourself. Instead of making it look like I’m the one doing the decision making.”

“Michael...” Brian reprimanded as Michael had his little hissy fit. “... do you feel all better now?” He threw him a stick, proud when Michael caught it in one hand.

“Prepare yourself for a royal crushing, Kinney.”

“Best two outta three?”

“Nah... let’s just play until one of us falls on the floor.”

“Ahhhh... renegade pool... I guess it’s better then strip pool.”

“Don’t remind me... that’s the last time I play pool with you and my mother.”

Brian swept by Michael, sculpting his hand around the hip and down the front zipper. “I kinda dug those boxers with duckies on them.”

“Penguins, Brian. They were penguins... Actually... wait...”

“What?”

“Never mind.”

“No... spit out what you were about to say...” Brian kept his body planted behind Michael as he prepared to break the triangle of balls with the white one.

“Puffins. They were actually Puffins... a specific kind of penguin...”

“Michael...” Brian shook his head sadly. “I had no idea about your puffy underwear.”

“Puffins... not puffy... big diff...”

“Oh... how big, Mikey?”

“Brian, can we just play pool?”

“Sure.” Brian shrugged, paying no never mind to Michael’s temper anymore. It made his best friend look more adorable. Also... made Brian feel better about having his own attitude.

Michael had at least another forty-five minutes before the night was over and 2005 would truly begin. He had to break at some point.

Brian was willing to last as long as Michael did tonight... and the first round of drinks would be on him.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

They were tied, two games a piece... and it seemed neither man was giving up...

Brian was bending over, shaking his ass into alignment.

“Oh... please...” Michael crowed out, slurping at the last of his beer.

“Excuse me? What?” Brian cupped a hand around his ear lobe.

“You’re clearly trying to distract me.”

“How... am I doing that... Mikey?”

Michael watched the shot taken, seeing the solid ball hit the side and barely skim the edge of the hole Brian was aiming for. “You’re a sore loser.” He slid down off his stool. “Prepare to watch a *master* in action.”

“What kind of master, huh?” Brian teased, raising one eyebrow in question. “Getting that stripe in any hole you choose will take aerodynamics of a fucking jet airliner, Novotny. Can’t be done.”

“Watch me.”

“Oh... I will, Mikey.” Brian enjoyed the backside Michael showed him, but what he loved even more was the way it swayed and shimmied to the beat of someone’s Karaoke music. “Shake it like your mother made it, honey.”

“You’d like to see me shake it... and shake it to the East...” Michael shook his ass to the left. “... and shake it to the West...” He shook his backside so far to the West he ended up banging into another customer, drinks spilling all down his back and front. “Oh.... Holy Shit... cold, cold, freezin’ cold!!...” He did a little dance of ice running down his naked flesh. “Oh, Christ!”

Brian nearly had tears in his eyes, slightly on a buzz from beer and a couple of shots. “Mikey... whoa! Whoa!” He tried to stop him from bumping into more men. “Look...” His hazy eyes tried to focus on the frightened face turning to stare at him. “Hey... uh, Hun’er.”

“What?” Michael flipped around, totally drenched from the drinks and ice.

“Hey, Michael... Brian... Excuse me... I gotta go make another bar run.”

Michael hand clamped on the teen’s forearm. “Another bar run? Who the hell is paying you to run tabs at the bar?”

“If I give you the shirt off my back... will you forget you ever saw me?”

“Hunter... just tell me who you’re here with... I won’t...”

“Hey, sweetie, Deb’s...” Emmett popped his head in, only to make sure Hunter was coming back and not selling their drinks for easy cash. “Michael... Brian... when did you two get here?”

Michael went toe-to-toe with Emmett. “Explain to me why my son is here... and I’m thinking he’s safely tucked away at my mother’s house?”

“Visions of sugar plums dancing in his head.” Brian finished for Michael.

“Good one, Brian!” Hunter cracked up laughing, mistakenly punching Brian’s biceps too hard. “Ooo... sorry, dude... no harm. Fam?” He put up a hand for Brian to slap him *five* with.

Brian only shook his head in how weird this night was turning out, certainly not in any way shape or form the way he had thought. “Come on, Michael... I’ll take you to the restroom... get you cleaned up...”

“Lemme!” Hunter quickly added. “I was at fault... plus, I, uh, need to explain myself... why I’m here and all.”

Michael simply stomped away in disgust.

Hunter trailed behind him.

Emmett frowned. “Oh, boy. What’s gotten up Michael’s butt?”

Brian snickered wiping at his tired eyes. “Me mostly. I think he’s pretty much done with me.”

“Honey, that boy loves you. How could he...?” Emmett swatted lightly at Brian’s arm.

“Got a few minutes?” Brian suddenly felt like having a close confident he could share his agony with. He sure couldn’t talk this over with Michael.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Michael and Hunter were closeted in the same stall.

“How did I do?” Hunter excitedly clapped like a baby seal.

“I think you...” **Overdid your part**... Michael wanted to say. He took off his T-shirt, squeezing out the excess water. “... did it perfectly.”

“How did yours go?”

“He has no idea. He thinks... he thinks I feel nothing and that I want to go home.” Michael sighed his frustrations. “Shit! I hope you’re right and that this works like you think you know it will.”

“It worked on TV.”

“Oh, well, then... it’s sure to go all to hell.”

“Stop being so pessimistic.”

“Sorry... that whole Half-glass empty/full thing was thrown all down my back.” Michael wiped all the moisture off his chest. “Bring me that damn monkey suit.”

“Fuck! You wanted a monkey suit? Here I went and rented you a tuxedo.” Hunter joked as he unzipped the plastic bag. “Did I do right by you, Michael? A tux... it’s what you said...” He grew worried when Michael never said one word.

“A tux, Hunter... not a nightmare, polyester-blend, powder-blue lounge suit; circa 1972. I’m not THAT old, you nimrod.” Michael grabbed for the plastic suit bag, slamming the stall door in Hunter’s face.

“You’re still gonna wear it, Michael?! I can go out and see if anyone is wearing something remotely passable for a tux.”

“NO! It’s too late. I knew I should have brought Emmett in on this, but I couldn’t take the chance he’d blab everything to everybody and my mother.”

“I’m sorry, Michael.” Hunter placed a palm on the door, hoping this wouldn’t truly upset Michael.

“Look... it’s okay... I’m just... I’m not gonna wear everything that’s included. The pants... GOD! They’re tight. I think I’ll have to take off my undershorts.”

“Commando! I bet Brian will like that!”

“Shut it. I don’t need your colorful commentary as I dress.” Michael made a few more shuffling noises. “And... I’ll only wear the tux’s shirt... there’s enough ruffles on here to make three bags of chips. A nice strong wind will send me sailing. Christ! Hunter... these pants are bell-bottoms. What happened to the picture I gave you?”

“I dropped it in the snow... that was curiously yellowed.”

“Ew! Okay... I think...” Michael opened the stall door, pacing toward the mirror. “Well... how...” He spun around on his socked feet. “... do I look?” He smoothed everything down his slim body.

Hunter was speechless. Michael would never know how adorable he looked in the get-up... circa 1970-something. Even when he fouled up, Hunter knew he had scored a big one. “Brian’s gonna fuckin’ flip!”

“In a good way?”

“In a VERY good way.”

“I don’t look like some Suburban Pimp, do I?” Michael did his *pimp* mode in the mirror, cracking himself up.

Hunter first started to snicker then he completely lost himself in belly laughs as he weakly leaned against the wall. “Oh... man... I love you Michael...”

“Oh... well...” Michael walked up to Hunter, snickering and pulling the young boy into a quick hug of family closeness. “You don’t have to say that to me. But since you did... I love you too, son.” He patted the teen on the back, pulling away with a bright smile on his lips. He brushed his fingers over the ruddy cheek. “Thank you for helping me with Brian.”

“My pleasure.” Hunter tried not to laugh more, covering his hand over his mouth. “My fuckin’ pleasure.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Brian was almost deeply into his story about the past few days, when he noticed Emmett simply stop having any facial expressions at all.

“What? What is it? You think I’m wasting my time, don’t you? You don’t think he’s gonna say one word to me tonight. Keep on harboring his feelings for me, tucking them away so I can’t see them, feel them or touch them.”

Emmett shook his head. “No, Brian... I think... you’ve been pretty successfully suckered...” He tried not to let the secret smile slip off his lips.

“Run that by me again?”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
 **“Brian...”**  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Strange... sounded like Michael, but it had come from the surround-sound speakers placed about Woody’s.

Brian lifted his bowing head, thinking his soberness was disappearing. “Leave me alone.” He grumbled into his crossed arms on the bar.

Emmett chuckled, rubbing his hand over Brian’s mop of hair. “He’s not next to you, Brian.”

“W’as... where did he...?” Brian lifted his head, looking about the shocked and stunned faces of all the patrons of the bar. Some familiar... like Hunter, Debbie, Emmett and Teddy... Hell, he even thought he spotted Cynthia, but guessed it was the many beers he consumed tonight.

**“Listen, Brian... Are you listening?”**

Brian glanced at the stage set-up. It was completely dark, but... how could he still hear the microphone? Where was Michael? God Dammit!! “Mich-...” He stopped, arms akimbo on the bar ledge.

A solitary spotlight hit a back area behind the bar space... Michael was seated on a pool table, dressed in some 1970s tuxedo reject... but he looked... simply... Michael...

The music began on the recorded tape... sounding very familiar to Brian... and everyone who’d been born and survived the 80s.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
 **Don’t Want To Lose You**  
 _By Gloria Estefan_

_**Sometimes it’s hard to make things clear  
Or know when to face the truth  
And I know when the moment is here** _   
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

Brian looked about the faces around him. They were just as surprised as he was. His hazel eyes gazed in fascination as Michael sang to... HIM... in front of every-damn-body!!

Michael was helped off the pool table, making his way down steps and toward Brian. Of course singing slightly off-key, but it was the sentiment that Michael was going for... not being Gloria Estefan herself.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
 _ **I’ll open my heart and show you inside  
My love has no pride  
I feel with you I’ve got nothing to hide**_  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

He was dodging tables, chairs and customers just standing... and staring in wide-eyed wonder.

What the hell was Michael Novotny doing? And to Brian Kinney?

He was a man on a mission... toward the man he had loved all his life... damn everybody else... and his own reputation.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
 _ **So open your eyes and see who I am  
And not who you want for me to be  
I am only myself... myself**_

 **_I don’t wanna lose you now  
We’re gonna get through somehow  
I don’t wanna lose you now or ever  
Baby I’ve finally found  
The courage to stand my ground  
But if you want me, I’ll be around forever_ **   
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

Michael reached for Brian’s hand, once he finally came out from behind the bar. People were making it very easy, semi-pushing Brian out into the middle of the floor.

Brian frowned, unsure of what Michael was trying to do... to them both... for his own pride. “What are you...?” He whispered, trying to make Michael realize what a HUGE step he was taking. Admitting his feelings in front of a crowd of onlookers.

Michael shrugged, drawing Brian closer, wrapping one arm about his neck... swaying... slow dancing with Brian to the beat...

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
 _ **We all make mistakes  
We all lose our way  
But we stood the test of time and I hope  
That’s the way it will stay**_  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Brian couldn’t do anything but let Michael continue to sing, hoping there was some explanation for this later on.

All he did was surrounded his arms around Michael’s lower back, dipping his forehead to hit Michael’s shoulder. He felt Michael’s hand filter through his hair, combing periodically.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
 _ **It’s all up to you, to tell me to go  
’cause it won’t be me to walk away  
When you’re all that I know  
And I know that...**_  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Michael hugged Brian to his body, unable to sing the rest of the second chorus.

The rest of Woody’s patrons began to sing the familiar song in the background. Some with shock still on their faces, others with tears rolling down their cheeks... especially the ones close to the couple embracing on the floor.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
 _ **I don’t wanna lose you now  
We’re gonna get through somehow  
I don’t wanna lose you now or ever  
Baby I’ve finally found  
The courage to stand my ground  
But if you want me, I’ll be around forever**_  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

They sang one more chorus just to be sweet, letting Michael and Brian slow dance together before they joined them on the makeshift dance floor. People simply pushed tables and chairs out of the way, everyone found a partner and began to dance in time to the music.

The DJ thought this was too much of a special moment to let pass... so he found the original cut of Gloria’s and placed it on his turntable.

Only ten minutes left until midnight. They could while away the seconds... everyone holding some warm body close.

Lovers entwined... friends laughing and teasing... and two best friends lost in one another’s essence of the moment... possibly working on their future together.

Hunter had to take Michael’s place with Debbie, but he didn’t mind. He kept handing her tissues to wipe away her tears.

Emmett continued to kiss everyone’s cheeks and brush away his own tears.

Hunter turned slightly to look over at the doorway. Ben was halfway out the opening. He whistled.

Ben turned to see him.

Hunter waved him over, trying to approach.

Ben stopped him from moving one step further. He shook his head, declining the need for a tender moment between them. He placed a finger on his mouth to tell Hunter to keep quiet about him being here. He only wanted to see what Michael would do to make his feelings for Brian known. He is truly happy for Michael, but sad for himself and heartbroken.

Hunter stood, watching his other father leave, wanting to follow, but too happy to not celebrate with his small, adopted family. If Ben wanted to sulk... that was his business. Hunter had been too long without this kind of supportive closeness. He turned back to envelope his arms about Debbie’s shoulders, gently kissing her cheek as another tear fell.

“Vic warned me one day...” Debbie shook her head at the whole travesty of it all. “I guess he’s no longer my *baby* anymore.”

Emmett and Ted frowned, missing Vic... even at the simple mention of his name. All three men; Emmett, Ted and Hunter, encircled Debbie in their arms, wobbling her to some group rhythm around the floor.

As the song played over them, Brian drew back, looking down at Michael’s smiling eyes, gazing up at him. He grabbed Michael’s jaw, wanting to kiss him thoroughly, but wanting to save that stuff for later, in private.

Instead, he used his index finger to draw something and write words over Michael’s chest. Making sure the heart he drew was big enough to represent Michael’s real heart.

It went pretty much like what he wanted to write on the music store’s window. He sniffed out a sob, letting one tear fall from his moist eyes. “I do, ya know?”

“I do know... but...” Michael nuzzled his nose with Brian’s. “... it’s kinda nice to hear it, even when you can’t say the words.” He paused, letting a sheepish grin slip out. “Were you worried?”

“Petrified.” Brian shook his head in wild wonder. Michael had certainly led him on some merry chase tonight. Trapped and caught he was... and pleasantly imprisoned.

“Good.” Michael chuckled, rubbing up Brian’s back, under his shirt. “Now you know what it’s been like for me for 20years... and counting...”

“Why didn’t you tell me it was like this?”

“Thought you already knew. Or that you didn’t really care.”

“Sometimes, Mikey... it’s nice to be told these things to your face... even when you assume people know. They might not... or think something differently.”

“Seemed redundant. Truthfully, I thought you didn’t want me that way.”

“If *That Way* is what I think you mean... I wasn’t ready for what you could give me. I knew I’d only hurt you if we got involved.”

“And now?”

“Still don’t think I am... but I now know I need what you can give me. I want what other men have had, because I’m tired of hurting myself... to save you. Thinking I'm winning, when I'm actually losing.”

“I’m a Big Boy, Brian. You’ve seen me hurt. I’ve recovered plenty of times.”

Brian shook his head, not sure Michael truly knew how cruel he could be. “If I had done to you, what I’ve done to other men... I wouldn’t have been capable of looking you in the eye again. I can’t be around you when you're in pain... caused by me. I’d have kept my distance.”

“You’d have let me go? Ended our friendship?”

“I can’t... or couldn’t take that kind of risk.”

“Shit... I’d have lost you...” Michael’s voice got small and invisible, trying to fathom how his life would have panned out without Brian there.

“Not completely...” Brian tried to reassure Michael, bringing him back into his arms. “... but we never would have been the same. I don’t know what I would’ve done without you.”

“Me either.”

They both held onto one another not able to think about such a tragedy.

“Then... this was s good thing? Being only best friends for so long?”

“If only to lead us into a better time in our lives. Letting life teach us what not to do to each other... if we became something more.”

“Really? You think?”

“I know. And I feel it.”

“How? Why?”

“I’m willing to admit, here and now, I’m jealous. I envy the men I mock. Maybe I’ve been doing this all wrong. I’m selling myself too short.”

“I’ve always told you that, Brian. You never wanted to hear me. Think the feeling will last?” Michael raised a curious eyebrow.

Brian glanced down at Michael’s freaky looking tux, lightly chuckling. “Yeah, but... can’t guarantee forever. Probably only the next 20years. Maybe 10years invested interest... count that for 5years each for pain and suffering.”

Michael was tallying up all the numbers. “30years?”

Brian closed his eyes in fear. “We’ll be turning 64.”

Michael hooked his arms tighter about Brian’s neck. "To me... you’ll always be young and beautiful.”

“Same here. You’ll always look, to me... exactly how you did the day I met you.”

“Wow! That was kind of...”

“Sickeningly sweet. Get used to it on occasion.”

“Well, wait... it was sappy... and sentimental.” Michael placed a tender hand on Brian’s forehead. “You okay? Your head doesn’t hurt, does it?” He bent down to look Brian’s body over. “Itchy? Getting a rash anywhere? I can check later...”

Brian chuckled, shaking his head. “A few minutes until midnight... what do we do with the time before it’s a whole new year?”

Michael paused in his swaying. His face growing serious. “Would you follow me? Anywhere?”

“Depends... where are we going?”

“Trust me?”

“Always...” Brian tilted his head to the side, looking down at Michael.

“Take my hand...” Michael stepped back to put out his hand for Brian to take in his own.

All eyes stared in befuddlement. They were leaving?

Was it possible? Novotny taming Kinney?

Brian quirked up one side of his mouth, placing his palm over Michael’s in true confidence in where he was going to be led.

He hoped it wasn’t directly to Hell.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Michael had led Brian down dark alleyways and confusing shortcuts to find themselves at the backdoor of some establishment.

They could still faintly hearing the thumb-thumping of Babylon’s music from this distance.

There was no doorknob. No way to gain entrance.

Brian knew this stretch of alley, but for the moment got lost.

Michael stepped up and knocked twice, then three more times.

The door opened. The hallway was darker then outside, hued to the low lighting of the room they were coming close to. The hulking bouncer walked at least ten spaces ahead of them.

“Michael...” Brian couldn’t help feel a sense of deja vu. “... are we...?”

Michael turned to face Brian head-on, pulling him into a well-known room that was deserted for now. “Back at Babylon? Yes.”

Brian glanced in and around the vacant room. “Christ! The back way to Babylon’s backroom. Man... remember when Vic used to sneak us in this way?”

“Too many times to count. Practically spoiled us rotten.”

“He loved us.” Brian spit out without even thinking.

“He wanted...” Michael didn’t even know if he should vocalize Vic’s secret wish.

“... this. Us being together.” Brian supplied the rest of what Michael was unable to say.

Michael sighed, shaking his head. Guess it wasn’t such a secret. “He seemed to be the only person who believed in us as individuals, but believed we could one day be everything to each other.”

Brian snatched Michael’s hand. “What say... you and I...”

“Prove him right?”

Brian lifted the corner of his mouth. “I was gonna say, *give it a shot*. Yours has a little more *umph* to it.”

“If we fail?”

“We won’t.”

“Confident, are we? How do you know?”

“How many times will we be allowed to fuck up, before we finally get it right?”

“So... is this our last chance? Our last ditch effort for love and happiness?”

“I don’t know about you, but I sure ain’t gettin’ any younger.”

“Giving up or giving in?”

“Nah... I’m ready to hand the reigns over to some other schmuck, rat bastard. I’m taking and keeping for myself now.” Brian drew Michael near. “This might sound strange... but that tux looks oddly attractive on you.”

Michael touched his own ass. “I know. It’s because these pants are tight, isn’t it?”

“Maybe... but... blue is a good color for you.”

“So... Brian Kinney... you look content. Backroom at Babylon to yourself, a willing sexual slave in your arms... and a brand, spanking new year to start a clean slate off of... tell me, what are you going to do?”

“I want...” Brian couldn’t finish.

“Yeah...” Michael induced him to continue.

“... to dance with you again. Hold you like I did all those times we snuck behind the partition at school dances... to be alone... and slow dance...”

“Christ! You remember that?”

“That night with Alex brought the memory all back to me. I can’t believe you’d forget.”

“I could’ve simply repressed it, like everything else.”

“Michael, what do you think sustained me while we were apart?”

“I know, but... Brian, those slow dances usually followed you jerkin’ some jock off or lettin’ them blow you for cash.”

Brian held Michael close. “I always held you afterwards. Once I kicked them to the curb.”

“Yeah... all sticky and sweaty, sometimes drenched in your own cum.” Michael made a face.

“Who do you think I was fantasizing about that brought me to climax?”

“Not Swayze?”

“Better then Swayze, Mikey.”

“Who was better then Swayze?”

All Brian did was sigh, bring Michael into his embrace and burying his head in Michael’s shoulder. He began to sway their bodies to some mystery beat of the past.

“This music really isn’t conducive to this kind of dancing.”

“I don’t need music with you, Michael. Just... listen... are you listening?” Brian teased him lightly.

But Michael could seriously not only hear it, too... but feel it and sense it all around them. He could barely speak because of the feelings overflowing in him. “Twice in one night, Brian. I think I might faint after this one.”

“I said the other one before twelve. Doesn’t count.” Brian lifted his head, running a finger or two down Michael’s face. He was tracing familiar features that seemed brand new to him. “I will be there to catch you.”

“Always?”

“Even when you...” Brian expertly spun Michael, pinning him in his arms and proceeding to dip him over his arm. “... don’t expect me to.”

Michael reached up to touch Brian’s cheek. “I don’t need it, you know?”

“Yes... you do.” Brian righted their bodies.

“No. I don’t. It’s YOU that I nee-...” Michael was kissed to silence. His hands coming up to hold Brian’s face in his grip.

Brian kissed Michael for the first time all evening. “You’ll get them. Be patient. When you least expect them, I’ll...”

“... burst into song...”

Brian raised a quirky eyebrow. “Only once, Michael... and that time now has passed.”

“Oh... darn.”

“I’ll come up with something even more clever.”

“Good... ‘cause I’ll be right here.”

“Promise?” Brian leaned his forehead on Michael’s.

“Until the end... or one of us...”

“Then I hope that’s, uh... neveh...”

“Brian...”

“Yeah?” Brian was nuzzling Michael’s neck, breathing deeply along his collarbone.

“I only bought this room for 15 minutes.”

“Must have cost a fortune.”

“Worth every penny.”

“What’s wrong?” Brian drew back to stare down at Michael.

“I don’t have anything else planned after this.”

“Michael, how were you to know 15 minutes wasn’t long enough for us?”

“I didn’t expect sex from you, in here. I wanted you to know... that I’m not praying for miracles. I’m not demanding you change entirely for me...”

“You allowing me to keep tricking... here?”

“As long as you come home to ME.” Michael rested his head on Brian’s chest. That really wasn’t what he wanted, but he’d take Brian any way he could.

“You giving me a curfew?”

“No... I don’t... I...”

“Michael... Mikey... listen to yourself.” Brian used a hand to lift Michael’s chin. “You’re making a bed you’ll force both of us to lay in... months down the road. If you can’t be honest with yourself, then try being honest with me.” He wanted those deep brown eyes to look into his.

Michael licked his dry lips. He wanted to kiss Brian again, very badly. “I want you... exclusively. No tricking of any kind. You can flirt all you want, but nothing more...”

Brian knew there had to be more. “Anything else?”

“No backroom. If you’re in Babylon... and need to come in here... *I* better be the only man you’re with.”

“Oh... your *shit* is that good?”

“My *shit* is fan-tab-u-lous!! Men break up with me the second they lay eyes on me. I’m dangerous... and lethal.”

“Danger... I mock it in the face... lethal... is my middle name...”

“Seriously? I thought your middle name was A-...?” Michael’s mouth was expertly covered by Brian’s lips, searching for a deep desire he had to curb.

“Don’t make me have to punish you.”

“You wouldn’t dare.”

“Try me!”

Michael’s cell phone rang.

“Yes!... uh-huh... okay... sure... yup...” Michael shook his head at his dumb luck, then hung up on a heavy sigh.

“Everything okay?”

“They need the room back.”

“15 minutes up.”

“And we missed ringing in the new year.”

Brian shook his head in disagreement. “No we didn’t.”

“Where to now?”

Brian held out his hand to Michael. “Take my hand...”

“Is the *hand basket* packed and ready for Hell?”

Brian snickered, scratching at his chin. “I got plans for you, Novotny.”

“Plans? And how do they start off?”

“Simply by taking a walk with me.”

“Walk? But we have your car... how will we?”

“Trust me?”

“Always... you know that.” Then it struck Michael square in the face. “Oh, I get it. You need the walk in the cold.”

“No.” Brian shook his head. “I want to walk proudly down Liberty Avenue, on New Year’s Eve, watching all the celebrations and merriment... holding my best friend's hand and tucking him under my arm to keep warm... maybe talking, or laughing, over our usual topic of discussions...”

“We will have sex eventually...”

“Are you asking me... or telling me?”

“Uhhhhhhh.... telling you!”

“Good answer! Nice.”

The men of Babylon, eager for their backroom, poured into the wide open space of emptiness.

“Brian, I...”

“Let’s get outta here. I know a perfect place where we can finish this conversation.”

“Good. I was hoping you had something more planned. I don’t know if I’m exactly tired yet.” Michael couldn’t help noticing a familiar backside and blond head bobbing as he was being fucked against the wall. “Hey, Todd...”

“Hey, Michael... Brian...” Todd acknowledge both men, giving them a once over. He noticed their hands entwined. “How’s it going?”

Brian smiled, hanging his arm around Michael’s shoulders. “Couldn’t be better, Todd.” He thought about it. “Oh... wait... maybe it could...” He pressed a gentle kiss to Michael’s temple.

Todd shut his eyes in ecstasy. “Isn’t THAT the truth!”

“Later!” Brian waved as he walked Michael down the hallway.

“Bye, Brian!” Both Todd and Glenn exclaimed on a climax.

“Did you know that guy with Todd?”

“I don’t know, Michael. It was dark down that hallway. You know me with faces and names.”

“Yeah... I know you alright...”

“What?” Brian asked out of pity. “Michael... what did you... Mikey...”

And as fitting as some people thought the ending of Brian Kinney’s reign was kind of a downer... some actually enjoyed watching Kinney run after Novotny... and getting a taste of his own medicine... for once... lovesick puppy that he was... and would always be...

**==========THE END==========**


End file.
